paul_valaru
100% Pure Canadian Beef
working single moms
working single dads (with custody)
how about a round of applause for them
working single dads (with custody)
how about a round of applause for them
When you have kids and.....
- Thread starter Mare
- Start date
Justintime
Guest
Poor soul.
CydCharisse
New Member
I want just 1, but my fiancee wants 2. So, we came to a compromise. I'll have one on my own and we'll adopt the second. I'm only dealing with a pregnancy once.
Camelyn
New Member
PuterTutor said:
Warning, this is going to be a bit long, and it’s my life, so likely to be a bit boring. Read at your own risk
I tossed it around in my head for a bit, wasn't going to post, but what the hell, I'm blond and I'm Irish, its hard to keep me quiet
I can hear the bitterness in your post PT, which leads me to believe that you are probably a kick-ass Father and husband, so please, everyone, understand that this is just *my* take on things, based on my own experiences and observations.
For either economic or social reasons, women started to enter the work force en masse only in the late 60's and early 70's. At this time, the genders roles were still pretty well defined (with exceptions of course): Woman took care of the house and kids while the man worked. It's not a matter of which was better or worse, more important or less, it just was. Women who chose or were forced to work for economic reasons more often than not also had to come home to their second job, taking care of the kids, getting dinner on, cleaning the house. My mom was one of these women. Mom would get home, start dinner, dad would watch the news on TV. After dinner Mom would be cleaning the kitchen, Dad would go back to watching TV. My Mom saw to it I was fed, clothed, washed, saw that the house was clean, etc, and she also worked 40+ hours a week in a dressmaking factory. This was the reality of life for many of my friends Mom's while I was growing up too.
After the birth of my first child, their Father was unemployed, so we made the decision that he would stay home with her. I was quite happy that she would have a parent at home instead of going to daycare. Then there was the reality. He fed her and took care of her during the time I was at work. I got her up and fed in the morning, made food for the day for her, got him up, and then went to work. When I got home from work, I made 2 dinners, one for her and one for us, cleaned up, and got things ready for the next day. He played videogames on the computer. The weekends were filled with housecleaning and laundry and taking care of my daughter. He slept in.
After the birth of my second child, He went back to work. I still got the kids up in the morning, got them ready for daycare, got him up, got to work, came home made dinner and spent the weekend cleaning. He still slept in.
Maybe it was social conditioning on my part. My mother did it, someone had to do it, so I did. Well, until that and other factors led me to call it quits on the relationship. Now, I work, and I raise my daughters mostly by myself, and things are actually a bit easier because I only have *2* kids to take care of.
Now I know a lot of working fathers (MrBishop being a wonderful example) that share domestic and childrearing responsibilities equally with their spouses. I also know quite a few who do not. The gender roles are still there, and we fall into them easily, like a well-worn groove.
But, I have no doubt in my mind that my X loved and loves his kids. The issue shouldn't boil down to which role is more important, and which sex should be filling which role. All aspects, working, rearing keeping house are equally necessary to raising a family. The issue, in my mind, is an equality of responsibility.
I think maybe that's where the kudos go, to the women who are stuck in these unequal roles and responsibilities, at least until real life catches up with all the pretty PC pictures we paint. Maybe another generation or two, and all Dad's will be like you and MrBishop, and Mom's won't find themselves burning both ends of the candle.
A little note: There a 2 men that I know, great guys, who are doing the lion's share of the childrearing as well as working. They are doing it for the same reason I was, because someone has to, and their spouses don't. But the fact is that at the present time, it is usually, but not always, the other way around.
Camelyn said:Warning, this is going to be a bit long, and it’s my life, so likely to be a bit boring. Read at your own risk
I tossed it around in my head for a bit, wasn't going to post, but what the hell, I'm blond and I'm Irish, its hard to keep me quiet
I can hear the bitterness in your post PT, which leads me to believe that you are probably a kick-ass Father and husband, so please, everyone, understand that this is just *my* take on things, based on my own experiences and observations.
For either economic or social reasons.....
There is some bitterness there, and maybe there shouldn't be, I don't know. I guess it's just that most of my life I have been expected to work, and have done my best to provide income for my family. That is what is expected of me. What I also do is a share of the housework, probably not quite even, if you can figure out what even is. I have also been an active participant in the raising of my children. Not just the "Wait til your Father comes home" dad. I am there for my children whenever they need me, for whatever they need me for. Work knows this as well. I get 10 sick days a year here, Last year I used 8 on them, and saved 2.
As for your experiences with men, I understand. It is very easy to get in the habit of allowing the woman to do the housework. For two years after my oldest was born, the wife stayed hom with him. She then did the majority of the housework, although I still cooked a great deal. Not becuase I had to, because I WANTED to. That is one of the joys in my life. The rest of the cleaning, and the laundry, was left to her. For the most part she did it all. When she went back to work, we arranged a different schedule and it worked for almost 7 more years before we got divorced, but not over housework. Now, with my second wife, we worked it out before we ever started living together. There are some chores that are hers and hers alone, and there are some that are mine and mine alone. There are also a few that nobody is assigned, they just get done when they need done, by whomever has the time, motivation, or energy to do them.
CydCharisse
New Member
6 kids puter? That deserves a whopping pile of karma on its own
Mare
New Member
Well, god Bless ya on the teenage girls-goodluckPuterTutor said:
14yr old son-sheww
8yr old son-Im there....well 9 last month
so if thats what you think you could do and keep the sanity of yourself, i would love to see you make a go of it-and give MUCH luck to ya..lol
PS. just like my sig says about patience......
CydCharisse
New Member
I don't even have any kids and I watch cartoon network everyday....
I know you're not hating on me, and for the record, I never thought of Ards as less manly either. I look up to that man a great deal. But I'm talking general consensus here, and maybe it's Rural Missouri that has made me think this way, but it's generally not accepted here.kuulani said:I'm not hating on you ... but I never thought Ards was "less manly" for staying home with the kids.
Mare said:
If all my kids were like my 15 year old daughter, Well, I'd be in heaven. She is the most responsible 15 year old I know, and one of my best friends. I know, you're not supposed to be friends with your kids, well, fuck you, I kinda like em. (That Fuck you was not directed at you, Mare, just those that tell me not be friends with my kids.)
As for the rest of them, I'll either have a straightjacket or grey hair within the next five years, I'm sure of it.
CydCharisse
New Member
Can't be friends with your kids? My mom and I are like best friends.