unclehobart
New Member
In in for a movie club, btw. Lets just not do the Police Academy series please.
Well, we've seen book clubs
- Thread starter Professur
- Start date
Scanty
New Member
tonksy
New Member
Why not just pile it on my plate? At least if I manage it I'll remember it...who are you again?
unclehobart
New Member
Heres a short list to pick from for our first assignment:
The Apple (1980)
Director: Menahem Golan
Starring: Catherine Mary Stewart, Allan Love, George Gilmour, Grace Kennedy, Joss Ackland, Vladek Sheybal
Set in futuristic 1994, this musical from the dreaded team of Menahem Golan and Yoram Globus is basically an excuse for some very bad actors to dress in campy outfits and sing really bad songs. Variety described "The Apple" as "a shockingly amateurish affair that offends for both its incredibly poor execution and colossal waste of talent." The story: two innocents enter a worldwide songwriting contest, unaware that the "Pop Idol"-type global broadcast has been rigged by an evil music publisher named Mr. Boogalow. Boogalow wants to take over the world with his "BIM" music, an encoded music that brainwashes listeners. In short, this movie was unreleaseable. When this awful film played at the Paramount Theater (now the El Capitan) in Hollywood for one week in November 1980, the film's distributor, Cannon Films, offered souvenir soundtrack records to moviegoers on their way in (albums to the first 100 and 45 RPM singles to the next 1,000). After the first showing ushers had to stop giving the records out because the few customers that paid to see this disaster started throwing their 12" vinyl LPs at the movie screen and around the theater like Frisbees during the film. For the next showings, ushers tried to hand the records out as people left, but most people refused to take them. This film was later promoted as "The Sensation of the 1980 Cannes Film Festival."
Attack of the Killer Tomatoes (1979)
Director: John DeBello
Starring: David Miller, Sharon Taylor, George Wilson, Jack Riley, Rock Peace, John DeBello, The San Diego Chicken
It's Man vs. Vegetable when a U.S. government experiment goes horribly wrong and giant tomatoes go on a killing spree. The film takes its one funny joke and tells it over and over and over and over and over and over again. This super low budget spoof was followed by three pointless sequels.
The Avengers (1998)
Director: Jeremiah Chechik
Starring: Ralph Fiennes, Uma Thurman, Sean Connery, Jim Broadbent
"The Avengers" is a dunderheaded miscalculation on every conceivable level. If the sign of a truly awful film is when its releasing studio doesn't screen the film in advance for critics, then what does it say when Warner Bros. refused to screen "The Avengers" for critics AT ALL? James Berardinelli of "ReelViews" said, "This film is an absolute mess - a cinematic abomination. 'The Avengers' fails in almost every possible way, from acting to writing and direction. Heck, the filmmakers couldn't even get the cameos right. This motion picture has been so badly mismanaged that it's hard to imagine anyone actually enjoying it (or, for that matter, understanding it). If it weren't for the A-list cast, this movie surely would have been a prime candidate for a direct-to-video release. It's not just sad; it's depressing."
Baby Geniuses (1999)
Director: Bob Clark
Starring: Kathleen Turner, Christopher Lloyd, Peter MacNicol, Kim Cattrall, Dom LeLuise, Ruby Dee
This incredibly inane film sat on the shelf for nearly a year before TriStar released it to almost universally bad reviews. Despite every major critic begging people not to see this trash, gullible American moviegoers lined up in droves, at least initially. There are no laughs - NONE - to be found in this headache inducing film about a child psychologist (Kathleen Turner) who believes it is possible to decode baby talk to learn the secrets of the ages. She hires a scientist (Christopher Lloyd) to figure it out. Through the "magic" of some especially shoddy special effects, we follow a baby genius named Sly who escapes from Lloyd's lab and tries to organize fellow babies in a revolt. Instead of funny, it is positively creepy when he and his cohorts "speak." To use a phrase from the film, this turkey is one big pile of "diaper gravy."
Battlefield Earth (2000)
Director: Roger Christian
Starring: John Travolta, Barry Pepper, Forest Whitaker, Kim Coates, Richard Tyson, Sabine Karsenti, Michael Byrne, Kelly Preston
In this inept futuristic epic adapted from the novel by sci-fi author and Scientology founder L. Ron Hubbard, a greedy security chief (the ridiculous looking John Travolta) enslaves prisoners to mine gold for him. When it was released, "Battlefield Earth" became an instant camp classic -- think "Showgirls" in outer space. The New York Times said, "'Battlefield Earth' is the worst movie of this century. Sitting through it is like watching the most expensively mounted high school play of all time. It is beyond conventional criticism and belongs in the elect pantheon that includes such delights as 'Showgirls' and 'Revolution': the Moe Howard School of Melodrama."
Caddyshack II (1988)
Director: Allan Arkush
Starring: Jackie Mason, Dyan Cannon, Robert Stack, Dina Merrill, Chevy Chase, Dan Aykroyd, Randy Quaid, Jessica Lundy, Jonathan Silverman, Chynna Phillips, Brian Doyle-Murray
This much too late in-name-only sequel to 1980's hugely successful golf comedy "Caddyshack" is a pitiful rehash of the first film. Comedian Jackie Mason is a millionaire whose daughter wants him to join a snobbish country club. When his membership application is turned down, he retaliates by buying the club and turning it into a tacky amusement park. Mason takes on the slob role perfected in the first film by Rodney Dangerfield with disastrous results. Unlike Dangerfield, Mason is neither likable or funny, and his on-screen love affair with Dyan Cannon isn't funny, it's sick. In supporting roles, Chevy Chase (reprising his role as the club Pro) and Dan Aykroyd (as a retired soldier) turn in career-ending performances. Thankfully, Bill Murray, so hilarious in the first film, steered clear of this train wreck, as did most moviegoers. Winner: Worst Film - 1988
Can't Stop The Music (1980)
Director: Nancy Walker
Starring: Village People, Valerie Perrine, Bruce Jenner, Steve Guttenberg, Paul Sand, Tammy Grimes, June Havoc, Barbara Rush, Jack Weston, Leigh Taylor-Young
By the time this mind-numbing musical comedy (originally called "Discoland: Where The Music Never Stops") was delivered dead-on-arrival to theaters in June 1980, the disco backlash ("Disco Sucks") was in full swing. To salvage what it could of its multi-million dollar investment, distributor AFD changed the title and hoped for the best. Village People, Valerie Perrine, Steve Guttenberg, and a post-Olympics, pre-facelift Bruce Jenner (could the casting be any more bizarre?) were in on the fun. For some, the most maddening aspect of the project may have been the filmmakers' ill-advised attempts to pass the Village People members off as straight. Check out construction worker David Hodo doing "I Love You To Death" with a bunch of scantilly clad ladies and the finale in front of a decidely "mixed" audience with cheering females and strategically placed hetero couples in the front row. Yes, it was a fantasy. Director Nancy Walker played the mother on TV's "Rhoda."
The Care Bears Movie II: A New Generation (1986)
Director: Dale Schott
Starring: voices of Maxine Miller, Pam Hyatt, Hadley Kay, Cree Summer
This bargain basement musical cartoon is aimed squarely at the drooling infant whose idea of a good time is watching flickering bright colors and shapes on a TV screen. The action takes place in the clouds high above Earth in the Kingdom of Caring. Two Care Bears are sent down to Earth to help a confused little girl who has found herself in the clutches of the evil DarkHeart. DarkHeart wants to stop all caring and love on Earth. It seems the girl has promised DarkHeart she will help capture the Care Bears if he makes her popular for one day. Even suffering through a Barney video would be preferable to sitting through this.
The Forbidden Dance (1990)
Director: Greydon Clark
Starring: Laura Herring, Jeff James, Sid Haig, Richard Lynch, Barbara Brighton, Kid Creole and the Coconuts
A Brazilian jungle princess comes to America to stop an evil corporation from cutting down her tribal rain forests. When she is rebuffed by the company's henchmen, she hooks up with a hunky dancer and the two plan to get their message to the "people." Their lame-brained idea: They will enter a dance contest, win it and when accepting the first prize trophy on the live national television broadcast, she will make a plea to save the rain forests. Their secret weapon: She will teach him some of her sexy "Lambada" dance moves.
Glen or Glenda? (1953)
Director: Edward D. Wood, Jr.
Starring: Bela Lugosi, Dolores Fuller, Daniel Davis (Edward D. Wood, Jr.), Lyle Talbot, Timothy Farrell, "Tommy" Haynes, Charles Crafts, Conrad Brooks
Legendary bad cinema titan Ed Wood dreamed up this autobiographical docudrama about a man who must tell his fianceé he is a cross-dresser. Wood plays the tormented Glen (or is it Glenda?) under the assumed name Daniel Davis. With wildly inept use of stock footage, inane script writing, and a totally out of place Bela Lugosi doing play by play commentary from a haunted house, it's easy to see why some still consider this to be the worst movie ever made.
Godzilla (1998)
Director: Roland Emmerich
Starring: Matthew Broderick, Hank Azaria, Jean Reno, Maria Pitillo, Harry Shearer, Kevin Dunn, Michael Lerner, Vicki Lewis, Doug Savant
This much hyped remake of "Godzilla" could have used less hype and more script. In fact, the amount of money Sony Pictures spent on advertising this film ("Size Matters" was the tagline) was probably more than the gross national product of many small countries. In the end, what we got for $150 million was proof positive that Matthew Broderick is no action star. Of course, Sony executives could have saved themselves a lot of money if they had just asked us our opinion about Broderick's acting ability. By no means the worst film ever made, "Godzilla" (or "Godawful" as it became known in some circles) makes this list because of Sony's relentless hype that no film could possibly have lived up to. For the reported $150 million this film cost to make and promote, a group of high school students could have slapped together a better film. The fact that the filmmakers couldn't seem to settle on what size the monster should be (Godzilla is either gigantic or small depending on the scene you're watching) didn't help either. Starting in early 1998, "Godzilla" billboards, posters, and TV/radio spots were everywhere. There was no escaping the media blitz. But in what is probably the quickest case of instant karma on record, after a titanic opening weekend, Sony's megahit played to mostly empty movie houses throughout America.
Gymkata (1985)
Director: Robert Clouse
Starring: Kurt Thomas, Tetchie Agbayani, Richard Norton, Edward Bell
Well, here's something you don't see every day. A martial arts film where the hero throws in a few gymnastic flips along with his karate kicks. Fresh from winning America's first Gold Medal for gymnastics at the 1984 Olympics, it was a sure bet that Hollywood would find something for gymnast Kurt Thomas to do. No, he's not sweeping up spilled popcorn at the local multiplex. In this epic, Thomas is not only a world-class gymnast, he also works for the government! He is sent to a small European country to be America's entrant in "The Game," a rigorous maze of certain death. If he makes it through in one piece, the foreign government will allow him to leave the country alive along with one favor. Now, most people would have asked for a few hundred million dollars - tax free, but not Kurt. His favor if he wins: allow the U.S. to install a "Star Wars" satellite in their country to keep the world at peace. It's a good thing for Thomas that every time he gets in a tight spot, a piece of gymnastics apparatus (like a pommel horse) just happens to be nearby. Hopefully, this film won't give other gymnasts the acting bug.
Heaven's Gate (1981)
Director: Michael Cimino
Starring: Kris Kristofferson, Christopher Walken, Isabelle Huppert, Jeff Bridges, John Hurt, Sam Waterston, Brad Dourif, Joseph Cotten, Geoffrey Lewis, Richard Masur, Terry Quinn, Mickey Rourke, Willem Defoe
The biggest Hollywood flop of the 1980's, the title became synonymous for troubled and overbudget film disasters. Director Michael Cimino's hopelessly inept big budget western about the war between land barons and European immigrants in 1890 Wyoming looks like it was filmed with thick gauze covering the camera lens in some scenes and in a huge dust bowl in others. Cimino had just won an Academy Award for "The Deer Hunter," so United Artists had every reason to believe he was creating magic on location in Wyoming. After months of delays and unforgivable cost overruns, Cimino finally delivered his masterpiece - a 5-hour version of "Heaven's Gate." The studio balked and sent him back to recut it to a more managable length. His recut version was still a punishing 3 hours and 40 minutes. The Cimino version premiered at one theater in New York City on November 19, 1980. The critics pounced and the film was pulled from release after just one week to be re-edited. It surfaced six months later with 70 minutes cut by the studio in a desperate attempt to recoup some of its losses. But it was too late. The word was out on this debacle and it played to empty theaters across the country. The plot of "Heaven's Gate" is easy enough to follow. It just could have been told in less than 2 1/2 hours. The film opens up in 1870 as Kris Kristofferson graduates from Harvard and makes his way West. This seems to go on forever, and in the end has NOTHING TO DO with the rest of the story. That's about 30 minutes that should have been cut. The 1890 scenes which take up the bulk of the running time tend to show off everything including the kitchen sink. Especially annoying is a miscast Christopher Walken. But the real head scratcher is a four-minute epilogue which inexplicably cuts to 1903 and makes no sense. Cimino is smart to give us subtitles when non-English characters are speaking in their native tongue, but seems oblivious that some of the English dialogue is totally obscured by blaring music or sound effects. In the end, while this film certainly has its strong points (lush scenery topping the list) it should be viewed with its hefty price tag in full view at all times. Its then unheard of $40 million cost literally sent United Artists into bankruptcy. And after watching it, you'll ask yourself why they let it get so out of hand.
Howard The Duck (1986)
Director: Willard Huyuk
Starring: Lea Thompson, Jeffrey Jones, Tim Robbins, Paul Guilfoyle, Holly Robinson, Miles Chapin, Virginia Capers, David Paymer, Thomas Dolby, voice of Richard Kiley
A wise-quacking, cigar chomping, fowl-mouthed duck from another planet is mysteriously transported to Earth and discovered by Lea Thompson, a singer in an awful pop-rock band. The film features one of the most unlikeable title characters to ever grace a movie screen, and some of the worst music ever recorded for a major motion picture. The title track sounds like warmed over Prince material. Universal Pictures should be ashamed for foisting this disaster on an unsuspecting world. Executive produced by George Lucas. One of the biggest embarrassments in motion picture history. Winner: Worst Film - 1986
Manos - The Hands of Fate (1966)
Director: Hal P. Warren
Starring: Tom Nayman, Diane Mahree, Hal P. Warren, John Reynolds
This nugget gained legendary status after its merciless treatment on "Mystery Science Theater 3000." The horrible acting and laughable special effects are a sight to behold in this film shot with a hand-held 16mm camera on a meager $19,000 budget. The plot revolves around a family confronted by a satanic cult. Get ready to laugh.
North (1994)
Director: Rob Reiner
Starring: Elijah Wood, Jason Alexander, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Bruce Willis, Jon Lovitz, Dan Aykroyd, Reba McEntire, John Ritter, Faith Ford, Abe Vigoda, Kathy Bates
Convinced his parents don't love him, an 11-year-old boy goes to court and wins the right to choose new parents. A long parade of stars in mostly cameo roles are prospective parents. It is all absolutely dreadful and a real blunder from the usually dependable Rob Reiner. Roger Ebert put it best: "I hated this movie. Hated, hated, hated, hated, hated this movie. Hated it. Hated every simpering stupid vacant audience-insulting moment of it." Winner: Worst Film, Worst Actor (Bruce Willis) - 1994
Penitentiary 2 (1982)
Director: Jamaa Fanaka
Starring: Leon Issac Kennedy, Mr. T., Leif Erickson, Ernie Hudson, Glynn Turman, Dennis Lipscomb
Inept filmmaking at its worst. They couldn't even get the opening credits right. It starts off with a "Star Wars"-style moving graphic telling the story of boxer Too Sweet (Leon Issac Kennedy) that scrolls too fast, is too light in places to be read clearly, and is at least five paragraphs too long. It gets worse from there. A loud underscore actually drowns out key dialogue. Only good lip readers will be able to understand everything that's going on. Then there are scenes that don't make sense. For example, Sweet ventures into a gym and has an altercation with a loud mouthed boxer. Sweet strikes the man, then tells him, "Don't make me have to hit you." With these flaws showing up in just the first ten minutes, it is hard to believe a director was anywhere near the set during filming. This pitiful rip-off of "Rocky" was a sequel to the surprise 1979 hit, "Penitentiary." Mr. T. (who would appear in "Rocky III" seven weeks after this film was released) is Too Sweet's trainer. The thin plot revolves around Sweet who has just been released from prison and is working his way up the boxing ranks in order to take on his archenemy, a fighter formerly incarcerated in the same prison as Sweet. Proving that studios (in this case, MGM/UA) will say ANYTHING - true or not - to get you to buy or rent their product, the video box claims that this film "packed" movie houses upon its release. We're willing to concede that movie theaters on Venus and Pluto might have had a few dozen takers for this turkey, but on Earth, not many people were clamoring to see this poorly executed sequel. Cartoon characters are based in more reality than the one-dimensional characters on display here, who go by such dumb names as "Seldom Seen" and "Half Dead." Bad guy Ernie Hudson (who plays "Half Dead") would become a Ghostbuster two years later. Only Dennis Lipscomb scores some points for his funny play-by-play commentary.
Plan 9 From Outer Space (1959)
Director: Edward D. Wood, Jr.
Starring: Gregory Walcott, Tom Keene, Duke Moore, Mona McKinnon, Dudley Manlove, Joanna Lee, Tor Johnson, Lyle Talbot, Bela Lugosi, Vampira, Criswell
A group of aliens think they can conquer Earth by resurrecting corpses from a cemetery. Bela Lugosi died after only two days of filming, but that didn't stop legendary bad movie maker Ed Wood from completing this project. He hired a taller, younger man to finish Lugosi's remaining scenes. The man disguised himself in every scene by holding a cape to his face. Considered by some to be the worst movie ever made.
Star Wars Episode 1: The Phantom Menace (1999)
Director: George Lucas
Starring: Liam Neeson, Ewan McGregor, Natalie Portman, Jake Lloyd, Samuel L. Jackson, Frank Oz, Pernilla August, Terence Stamp, Ian McDiarmid, Hugh Quarshie, Ray Park, Ahmed Best, Brian Blessed, Sofia Coppola
This long-awaited prequel to the "Star Wars" franchise was a huge disappointment. The by-the-numbers story and effects were completely undermined by several unforeseeable obstacles. Meant to generate comic relief, the painfully unfunny antics of Jar Jar Binks (a creature that tags along with Neeson and McGregor as they try to negotiate peace in the galaxy) completely backfired on Lucas and now may be the most hated "Star Wars" character of all. Additionally, Jake Lloyd is woefully out of his acting league as the young Darth Vader. Fans started camping out in front of movie theaters a full month before the premiere. Most are still in denial that this film sucked. We'll break it to them gently. Invite a group of non-"Star Wars" fanatics over to your home to view this film on video. Stop the tape about 3/4 of the way through and see if anyone (besides you) is still awake or interested in finding out how the story ends. Rex Reed said, "It stinks. 'Phantom Menace' turns out to be the weakest, dullest and dumbest of them all. 2 hours and 15 minutes of stultifying tedium. The gibberish that passes for dialogue can only be described as numbingly idiotic, especially when mumbled phonetically by the worst group of actors ever assembled."
Xanadu (1980)
Director: Robert Greenwald
Starring: Olivia Newton-John, Gene Kelly, Michael Beck, James Sloyan, Dimitra Arliss, Katie Hanley, Fred McCarren, Ren Woods, Sandahl Bergman
Olivia Newton-John is Kira, the daughter of Zeus and a muse who is the inspiration for fine art everywhere. She descends on Earth to give it something it desperately needs: A roller skate dance club! No, seriously, that's her divine mission. Can you tell this disco dance fiasco came out the same summer as the Village People's "Can't Stop The Music"? Not many people ventured into the theater to see this train wreck, but they did gobble up the soundtrack album with songs by Newton-John, Electric Light Orchestra and Cliff Richard. In this excursion through cinematic hell, Newton-John comes to the aid of a talented artist (Michael Beck) and a former Big Band clarinetist (Gene Kelly in his final film) and helps them open their dream disco dance club. The plot is ridiculous and the special effects are shoddy, but Newton-John is drop dead gorgeous in every scene she appears in. Too bad the script wasn't as pretty. If you've ever wondered why Hollywood steers clear of musicals, rent this to see why. "Xanadu" was a huge flop for Universal Pictures.
The Apple (1980)
Director: Menahem Golan
Starring: Catherine Mary Stewart, Allan Love, George Gilmour, Grace Kennedy, Joss Ackland, Vladek Sheybal
Set in futuristic 1994, this musical from the dreaded team of Menahem Golan and Yoram Globus is basically an excuse for some very bad actors to dress in campy outfits and sing really bad songs. Variety described "The Apple" as "a shockingly amateurish affair that offends for both its incredibly poor execution and colossal waste of talent." The story: two innocents enter a worldwide songwriting contest, unaware that the "Pop Idol"-type global broadcast has been rigged by an evil music publisher named Mr. Boogalow. Boogalow wants to take over the world with his "BIM" music, an encoded music that brainwashes listeners. In short, this movie was unreleaseable. When this awful film played at the Paramount Theater (now the El Capitan) in Hollywood for one week in November 1980, the film's distributor, Cannon Films, offered souvenir soundtrack records to moviegoers on their way in (albums to the first 100 and 45 RPM singles to the next 1,000). After the first showing ushers had to stop giving the records out because the few customers that paid to see this disaster started throwing their 12" vinyl LPs at the movie screen and around the theater like Frisbees during the film. For the next showings, ushers tried to hand the records out as people left, but most people refused to take them. This film was later promoted as "The Sensation of the 1980 Cannes Film Festival."
Attack of the Killer Tomatoes (1979)
Director: John DeBello
Starring: David Miller, Sharon Taylor, George Wilson, Jack Riley, Rock Peace, John DeBello, The San Diego Chicken
It's Man vs. Vegetable when a U.S. government experiment goes horribly wrong and giant tomatoes go on a killing spree. The film takes its one funny joke and tells it over and over and over and over and over and over again. This super low budget spoof was followed by three pointless sequels.
The Avengers (1998)
Director: Jeremiah Chechik
Starring: Ralph Fiennes, Uma Thurman, Sean Connery, Jim Broadbent
"The Avengers" is a dunderheaded miscalculation on every conceivable level. If the sign of a truly awful film is when its releasing studio doesn't screen the film in advance for critics, then what does it say when Warner Bros. refused to screen "The Avengers" for critics AT ALL? James Berardinelli of "ReelViews" said, "This film is an absolute mess - a cinematic abomination. 'The Avengers' fails in almost every possible way, from acting to writing and direction. Heck, the filmmakers couldn't even get the cameos right. This motion picture has been so badly mismanaged that it's hard to imagine anyone actually enjoying it (or, for that matter, understanding it). If it weren't for the A-list cast, this movie surely would have been a prime candidate for a direct-to-video release. It's not just sad; it's depressing."
Baby Geniuses (1999)
Director: Bob Clark
Starring: Kathleen Turner, Christopher Lloyd, Peter MacNicol, Kim Cattrall, Dom LeLuise, Ruby Dee
This incredibly inane film sat on the shelf for nearly a year before TriStar released it to almost universally bad reviews. Despite every major critic begging people not to see this trash, gullible American moviegoers lined up in droves, at least initially. There are no laughs - NONE - to be found in this headache inducing film about a child psychologist (Kathleen Turner) who believes it is possible to decode baby talk to learn the secrets of the ages. She hires a scientist (Christopher Lloyd) to figure it out. Through the "magic" of some especially shoddy special effects, we follow a baby genius named Sly who escapes from Lloyd's lab and tries to organize fellow babies in a revolt. Instead of funny, it is positively creepy when he and his cohorts "speak." To use a phrase from the film, this turkey is one big pile of "diaper gravy."
Battlefield Earth (2000)
Director: Roger Christian
Starring: John Travolta, Barry Pepper, Forest Whitaker, Kim Coates, Richard Tyson, Sabine Karsenti, Michael Byrne, Kelly Preston
In this inept futuristic epic adapted from the novel by sci-fi author and Scientology founder L. Ron Hubbard, a greedy security chief (the ridiculous looking John Travolta) enslaves prisoners to mine gold for him. When it was released, "Battlefield Earth" became an instant camp classic -- think "Showgirls" in outer space. The New York Times said, "'Battlefield Earth' is the worst movie of this century. Sitting through it is like watching the most expensively mounted high school play of all time. It is beyond conventional criticism and belongs in the elect pantheon that includes such delights as 'Showgirls' and 'Revolution': the Moe Howard School of Melodrama."
Caddyshack II (1988)
Director: Allan Arkush
Starring: Jackie Mason, Dyan Cannon, Robert Stack, Dina Merrill, Chevy Chase, Dan Aykroyd, Randy Quaid, Jessica Lundy, Jonathan Silverman, Chynna Phillips, Brian Doyle-Murray
This much too late in-name-only sequel to 1980's hugely successful golf comedy "Caddyshack" is a pitiful rehash of the first film. Comedian Jackie Mason is a millionaire whose daughter wants him to join a snobbish country club. When his membership application is turned down, he retaliates by buying the club and turning it into a tacky amusement park. Mason takes on the slob role perfected in the first film by Rodney Dangerfield with disastrous results. Unlike Dangerfield, Mason is neither likable or funny, and his on-screen love affair with Dyan Cannon isn't funny, it's sick. In supporting roles, Chevy Chase (reprising his role as the club Pro) and Dan Aykroyd (as a retired soldier) turn in career-ending performances. Thankfully, Bill Murray, so hilarious in the first film, steered clear of this train wreck, as did most moviegoers. Winner: Worst Film - 1988
Can't Stop The Music (1980)
Director: Nancy Walker
Starring: Village People, Valerie Perrine, Bruce Jenner, Steve Guttenberg, Paul Sand, Tammy Grimes, June Havoc, Barbara Rush, Jack Weston, Leigh Taylor-Young
By the time this mind-numbing musical comedy (originally called "Discoland: Where The Music Never Stops") was delivered dead-on-arrival to theaters in June 1980, the disco backlash ("Disco Sucks") was in full swing. To salvage what it could of its multi-million dollar investment, distributor AFD changed the title and hoped for the best. Village People, Valerie Perrine, Steve Guttenberg, and a post-Olympics, pre-facelift Bruce Jenner (could the casting be any more bizarre?) were in on the fun. For some, the most maddening aspect of the project may have been the filmmakers' ill-advised attempts to pass the Village People members off as straight. Check out construction worker David Hodo doing "I Love You To Death" with a bunch of scantilly clad ladies and the finale in front of a decidely "mixed" audience with cheering females and strategically placed hetero couples in the front row. Yes, it was a fantasy. Director Nancy Walker played the mother on TV's "Rhoda."
The Care Bears Movie II: A New Generation (1986)
Director: Dale Schott
Starring: voices of Maxine Miller, Pam Hyatt, Hadley Kay, Cree Summer
This bargain basement musical cartoon is aimed squarely at the drooling infant whose idea of a good time is watching flickering bright colors and shapes on a TV screen. The action takes place in the clouds high above Earth in the Kingdom of Caring. Two Care Bears are sent down to Earth to help a confused little girl who has found herself in the clutches of the evil DarkHeart. DarkHeart wants to stop all caring and love on Earth. It seems the girl has promised DarkHeart she will help capture the Care Bears if he makes her popular for one day. Even suffering through a Barney video would be preferable to sitting through this.
The Forbidden Dance (1990)
Director: Greydon Clark
Starring: Laura Herring, Jeff James, Sid Haig, Richard Lynch, Barbara Brighton, Kid Creole and the Coconuts
A Brazilian jungle princess comes to America to stop an evil corporation from cutting down her tribal rain forests. When she is rebuffed by the company's henchmen, she hooks up with a hunky dancer and the two plan to get their message to the "people." Their lame-brained idea: They will enter a dance contest, win it and when accepting the first prize trophy on the live national television broadcast, she will make a plea to save the rain forests. Their secret weapon: She will teach him some of her sexy "Lambada" dance moves.
Glen or Glenda? (1953)
Director: Edward D. Wood, Jr.
Starring: Bela Lugosi, Dolores Fuller, Daniel Davis (Edward D. Wood, Jr.), Lyle Talbot, Timothy Farrell, "Tommy" Haynes, Charles Crafts, Conrad Brooks
Legendary bad cinema titan Ed Wood dreamed up this autobiographical docudrama about a man who must tell his fianceé he is a cross-dresser. Wood plays the tormented Glen (or is it Glenda?) under the assumed name Daniel Davis. With wildly inept use of stock footage, inane script writing, and a totally out of place Bela Lugosi doing play by play commentary from a haunted house, it's easy to see why some still consider this to be the worst movie ever made.
Godzilla (1998)
Director: Roland Emmerich
Starring: Matthew Broderick, Hank Azaria, Jean Reno, Maria Pitillo, Harry Shearer, Kevin Dunn, Michael Lerner, Vicki Lewis, Doug Savant
This much hyped remake of "Godzilla" could have used less hype and more script. In fact, the amount of money Sony Pictures spent on advertising this film ("Size Matters" was the tagline) was probably more than the gross national product of many small countries. In the end, what we got for $150 million was proof positive that Matthew Broderick is no action star. Of course, Sony executives could have saved themselves a lot of money if they had just asked us our opinion about Broderick's acting ability. By no means the worst film ever made, "Godzilla" (or "Godawful" as it became known in some circles) makes this list because of Sony's relentless hype that no film could possibly have lived up to. For the reported $150 million this film cost to make and promote, a group of high school students could have slapped together a better film. The fact that the filmmakers couldn't seem to settle on what size the monster should be (Godzilla is either gigantic or small depending on the scene you're watching) didn't help either. Starting in early 1998, "Godzilla" billboards, posters, and TV/radio spots were everywhere. There was no escaping the media blitz. But in what is probably the quickest case of instant karma on record, after a titanic opening weekend, Sony's megahit played to mostly empty movie houses throughout America.
Gymkata (1985)
Director: Robert Clouse
Starring: Kurt Thomas, Tetchie Agbayani, Richard Norton, Edward Bell
Well, here's something you don't see every day. A martial arts film where the hero throws in a few gymnastic flips along with his karate kicks. Fresh from winning America's first Gold Medal for gymnastics at the 1984 Olympics, it was a sure bet that Hollywood would find something for gymnast Kurt Thomas to do. No, he's not sweeping up spilled popcorn at the local multiplex. In this epic, Thomas is not only a world-class gymnast, he also works for the government! He is sent to a small European country to be America's entrant in "The Game," a rigorous maze of certain death. If he makes it through in one piece, the foreign government will allow him to leave the country alive along with one favor. Now, most people would have asked for a few hundred million dollars - tax free, but not Kurt. His favor if he wins: allow the U.S. to install a "Star Wars" satellite in their country to keep the world at peace. It's a good thing for Thomas that every time he gets in a tight spot, a piece of gymnastics apparatus (like a pommel horse) just happens to be nearby. Hopefully, this film won't give other gymnasts the acting bug.
Heaven's Gate (1981)
Director: Michael Cimino
Starring: Kris Kristofferson, Christopher Walken, Isabelle Huppert, Jeff Bridges, John Hurt, Sam Waterston, Brad Dourif, Joseph Cotten, Geoffrey Lewis, Richard Masur, Terry Quinn, Mickey Rourke, Willem Defoe
The biggest Hollywood flop of the 1980's, the title became synonymous for troubled and overbudget film disasters. Director Michael Cimino's hopelessly inept big budget western about the war between land barons and European immigrants in 1890 Wyoming looks like it was filmed with thick gauze covering the camera lens in some scenes and in a huge dust bowl in others. Cimino had just won an Academy Award for "The Deer Hunter," so United Artists had every reason to believe he was creating magic on location in Wyoming. After months of delays and unforgivable cost overruns, Cimino finally delivered his masterpiece - a 5-hour version of "Heaven's Gate." The studio balked and sent him back to recut it to a more managable length. His recut version was still a punishing 3 hours and 40 minutes. The Cimino version premiered at one theater in New York City on November 19, 1980. The critics pounced and the film was pulled from release after just one week to be re-edited. It surfaced six months later with 70 minutes cut by the studio in a desperate attempt to recoup some of its losses. But it was too late. The word was out on this debacle and it played to empty theaters across the country. The plot of "Heaven's Gate" is easy enough to follow. It just could have been told in less than 2 1/2 hours. The film opens up in 1870 as Kris Kristofferson graduates from Harvard and makes his way West. This seems to go on forever, and in the end has NOTHING TO DO with the rest of the story. That's about 30 minutes that should have been cut. The 1890 scenes which take up the bulk of the running time tend to show off everything including the kitchen sink. Especially annoying is a miscast Christopher Walken. But the real head scratcher is a four-minute epilogue which inexplicably cuts to 1903 and makes no sense. Cimino is smart to give us subtitles when non-English characters are speaking in their native tongue, but seems oblivious that some of the English dialogue is totally obscured by blaring music or sound effects. In the end, while this film certainly has its strong points (lush scenery topping the list) it should be viewed with its hefty price tag in full view at all times. Its then unheard of $40 million cost literally sent United Artists into bankruptcy. And after watching it, you'll ask yourself why they let it get so out of hand.
Howard The Duck (1986)
Director: Willard Huyuk
Starring: Lea Thompson, Jeffrey Jones, Tim Robbins, Paul Guilfoyle, Holly Robinson, Miles Chapin, Virginia Capers, David Paymer, Thomas Dolby, voice of Richard Kiley
A wise-quacking, cigar chomping, fowl-mouthed duck from another planet is mysteriously transported to Earth and discovered by Lea Thompson, a singer in an awful pop-rock band. The film features one of the most unlikeable title characters to ever grace a movie screen, and some of the worst music ever recorded for a major motion picture. The title track sounds like warmed over Prince material. Universal Pictures should be ashamed for foisting this disaster on an unsuspecting world. Executive produced by George Lucas. One of the biggest embarrassments in motion picture history. Winner: Worst Film - 1986
Manos - The Hands of Fate (1966)
Director: Hal P. Warren
Starring: Tom Nayman, Diane Mahree, Hal P. Warren, John Reynolds
This nugget gained legendary status after its merciless treatment on "Mystery Science Theater 3000." The horrible acting and laughable special effects are a sight to behold in this film shot with a hand-held 16mm camera on a meager $19,000 budget. The plot revolves around a family confronted by a satanic cult. Get ready to laugh.
North (1994)
Director: Rob Reiner
Starring: Elijah Wood, Jason Alexander, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Bruce Willis, Jon Lovitz, Dan Aykroyd, Reba McEntire, John Ritter, Faith Ford, Abe Vigoda, Kathy Bates
Convinced his parents don't love him, an 11-year-old boy goes to court and wins the right to choose new parents. A long parade of stars in mostly cameo roles are prospective parents. It is all absolutely dreadful and a real blunder from the usually dependable Rob Reiner. Roger Ebert put it best: "I hated this movie. Hated, hated, hated, hated, hated this movie. Hated it. Hated every simpering stupid vacant audience-insulting moment of it." Winner: Worst Film, Worst Actor (Bruce Willis) - 1994
Penitentiary 2 (1982)
Director: Jamaa Fanaka
Starring: Leon Issac Kennedy, Mr. T., Leif Erickson, Ernie Hudson, Glynn Turman, Dennis Lipscomb
Inept filmmaking at its worst. They couldn't even get the opening credits right. It starts off with a "Star Wars"-style moving graphic telling the story of boxer Too Sweet (Leon Issac Kennedy) that scrolls too fast, is too light in places to be read clearly, and is at least five paragraphs too long. It gets worse from there. A loud underscore actually drowns out key dialogue. Only good lip readers will be able to understand everything that's going on. Then there are scenes that don't make sense. For example, Sweet ventures into a gym and has an altercation with a loud mouthed boxer. Sweet strikes the man, then tells him, "Don't make me have to hit you." With these flaws showing up in just the first ten minutes, it is hard to believe a director was anywhere near the set during filming. This pitiful rip-off of "Rocky" was a sequel to the surprise 1979 hit, "Penitentiary." Mr. T. (who would appear in "Rocky III" seven weeks after this film was released) is Too Sweet's trainer. The thin plot revolves around Sweet who has just been released from prison and is working his way up the boxing ranks in order to take on his archenemy, a fighter formerly incarcerated in the same prison as Sweet. Proving that studios (in this case, MGM/UA) will say ANYTHING - true or not - to get you to buy or rent their product, the video box claims that this film "packed" movie houses upon its release. We're willing to concede that movie theaters on Venus and Pluto might have had a few dozen takers for this turkey, but on Earth, not many people were clamoring to see this poorly executed sequel. Cartoon characters are based in more reality than the one-dimensional characters on display here, who go by such dumb names as "Seldom Seen" and "Half Dead." Bad guy Ernie Hudson (who plays "Half Dead") would become a Ghostbuster two years later. Only Dennis Lipscomb scores some points for his funny play-by-play commentary.
Plan 9 From Outer Space (1959)
Director: Edward D. Wood, Jr.
Starring: Gregory Walcott, Tom Keene, Duke Moore, Mona McKinnon, Dudley Manlove, Joanna Lee, Tor Johnson, Lyle Talbot, Bela Lugosi, Vampira, Criswell
A group of aliens think they can conquer Earth by resurrecting corpses from a cemetery. Bela Lugosi died after only two days of filming, but that didn't stop legendary bad movie maker Ed Wood from completing this project. He hired a taller, younger man to finish Lugosi's remaining scenes. The man disguised himself in every scene by holding a cape to his face. Considered by some to be the worst movie ever made.
Star Wars Episode 1: The Phantom Menace (1999)
Director: George Lucas
Starring: Liam Neeson, Ewan McGregor, Natalie Portman, Jake Lloyd, Samuel L. Jackson, Frank Oz, Pernilla August, Terence Stamp, Ian McDiarmid, Hugh Quarshie, Ray Park, Ahmed Best, Brian Blessed, Sofia Coppola
This long-awaited prequel to the "Star Wars" franchise was a huge disappointment. The by-the-numbers story and effects were completely undermined by several unforeseeable obstacles. Meant to generate comic relief, the painfully unfunny antics of Jar Jar Binks (a creature that tags along with Neeson and McGregor as they try to negotiate peace in the galaxy) completely backfired on Lucas and now may be the most hated "Star Wars" character of all. Additionally, Jake Lloyd is woefully out of his acting league as the young Darth Vader. Fans started camping out in front of movie theaters a full month before the premiere. Most are still in denial that this film sucked. We'll break it to them gently. Invite a group of non-"Star Wars" fanatics over to your home to view this film on video. Stop the tape about 3/4 of the way through and see if anyone (besides you) is still awake or interested in finding out how the story ends. Rex Reed said, "It stinks. 'Phantom Menace' turns out to be the weakest, dullest and dumbest of them all. 2 hours and 15 minutes of stultifying tedium. The gibberish that passes for dialogue can only be described as numbingly idiotic, especially when mumbled phonetically by the worst group of actors ever assembled."
Xanadu (1980)
Director: Robert Greenwald
Starring: Olivia Newton-John, Gene Kelly, Michael Beck, James Sloyan, Dimitra Arliss, Katie Hanley, Fred McCarren, Ren Woods, Sandahl Bergman
Olivia Newton-John is Kira, the daughter of Zeus and a muse who is the inspiration for fine art everywhere. She descends on Earth to give it something it desperately needs: A roller skate dance club! No, seriously, that's her divine mission. Can you tell this disco dance fiasco came out the same summer as the Village People's "Can't Stop The Music"? Not many people ventured into the theater to see this train wreck, but they did gobble up the soundtrack album with songs by Newton-John, Electric Light Orchestra and Cliff Richard. In this excursion through cinematic hell, Newton-John comes to the aid of a talented artist (Michael Beck) and a former Big Band clarinetist (Gene Kelly in his final film) and helps them open their dream disco dance club. The plot is ridiculous and the special effects are shoddy, but Newton-John is drop dead gorgeous in every scene she appears in. Too bad the script wasn't as pretty. If you've ever wondered why Hollywood steers clear of musicals, rent this to see why. "Xanadu" was a huge flop for Universal Pictures.
unclehobart
New Member
It's not supposed to be tempting. Its supposed to be pure cenimatic torture.
Runner-ups:
Waterworld
Police Academy series
Exorcist 3
Superman 4: The Quest for Peace
Karate Kid 3
Friday the 13th Series
Halloween 3 : Season of the Witch
Jaws 4
Runner-ups:
Waterworld
Police Academy series
Exorcist 3
Superman 4: The Quest for Peace
Karate Kid 3
Friday the 13th Series
Halloween 3 : Season of the Witch
Jaws 4
unclehobart
New Member
You had Care Bears? ... but you have boys... nothing but boys. How did that happen? Little boys are supposed to be into japanimation drivel.. or at least Scooby Doo and the like.
unclehobart
New Member
It must be my adult mind at play, but... darnit... the Care bears seem like pure chick stuff... like ponies, unicorns, and fairies.