Why the hate?

[Winky]

It is funny.
I remember it as if it was yesterday.
(well in the scheme of things it was yesterday)
My Wife would ask: "WTF is wrong with our boy".
(you know the space aliens took my sweet baby kinda thing)

I'd tell her: "testosterone poisoning"

My Son being that his IQ is 170+ was able to have things explained to him onna logical level then deal with his emotions and that made raising him easy.

When he'd act like a little caveman all I had to do, once
he understood what was going on was remind him that he was undergoing testosterone poisoning and he'd get a handle on his emotions. Kinda like 2-3 years of PMS I guess?

There were times he'd say "I just wanna rip someone's face off, I feel like I wanna explode" soon he only had to be reminded that it was just 'roid rage and he'd be kinda OK.

The REAL hard work was when all the gurls wanted to have sex with him, that was one of the hardest parts of raising a kid. How do you explain to a teenage boy that you don't have to bang every girl that whips off her panties??? Heh heh heh

One thing that worked kinda good was:
Hey think of it this way. Your like the hottest girl in school
and all the guys wanna bang you. Now if she goes around nailing everyone she'd be a whore, right?
Son don't be a Manwhore lolololololol...

 

[Mare]

*puts on the Dad hat*

This is THE most important part of a young man's
growin' up.

The description of the behavior is proto-typical of the beginnings of puberty. A young man without a proper father figger will either become a monster during this time or will develop into a complete wreck that may never get back on the straight and narrow.

ya gotta beg yer BF to assume the role of a Father during this period

Oh and DO NOT EVEN attempt to use corporal punishment on him.
First the age fer 'spankings' has long passed and
try to imagine what it does (in the long haul) to a
man's mind to be bested by a WOMAN in a
hand to hand fight, especially by his Mah. Besides
he's not allowed to hit a gurl back and certainly not his Mother!!!

I'm serious I've seen this countless times in homes where the Father is missing AND has been made the object of ridicule (in my very own life growing up as well).

An adolescent boy must have a male he can bond with.
An adolescent boy needs someone that will bust his ass if he gets outta line.
(and it ain’t his mama)
Single parent households contribute all (ok most) of our
prison inmates and psychiatric patients.
(let yer mama beat you up when you are beginning to get
har down there and you’ll have issues aboot wimen’s for a long time)
Whew I could really go on and on about this one!
See if yer new BF would like to help get this kid to age 14 and turn him into a man!
Most ten year olds in this situation will glom onto the first male role model they can find. Just make sure they find a good one, lol

Thanks for the advise Winky.....Scott WON'T hit My son...sometimes I wish he would, I know that sounds terrible, but he says its not his place to do it...he has 3 kids of his own and they are "very" respectful to him...in fact they talk with him, and his 2 live with him....their mother they cannot stand...I know i really cant hit my son, he is as tall as me, but when he back mouths me or even raises a hand as if he was to block a hit...i freak...he constantly talks back to me and says things to to agrivate me and KNOWS HE doind it....he has been very disrespectful to his younger brother too...i will hear him wispering to his little 4 year brother to say and do things to me too....just lost...counseling maybe i was thinking....school is coming august 1oth for us and i know his guidance counselor talk to him alot and he confides in her alot...im hoping all will change and school will help him...but i was thinking outside counseling wouldnt be a bad idea.

 

[Mare]

Oh...and btw...friday the 22nd is divorce mediation again...i want to end all this...hope its the last time we will have to do all this!

 

[Uki Chick]

Oh...and btw...friday the 22nd is divorce mediation again...i want to end all this...hope its the last time we will have to do all this!

Good luck for tomorrow Mare! Let us know how it goes

 

[Winky]

Teenage bois need their asses kicked
(or at least the credible threat)
when they get outta line
by a Father figger or some public servant
inna blue suit with a gun will have to do it!

 

[Mare]

OK....so went to mediation yesterday...the asshole never showed,called, did his parneting class,or sent in his financial statements....so, he pretty much fucked himself out of his rights or says so for the boys.
My lawyer filed for trial yesterday, within 2 months i will get a notice for trial to appear infront of the judge and get my divorce and the cutody rights "I" want for the boys.

This has been a long time come'n and its finally arrived....thank God for patience.

 

[Mare]

Should've known....No help with oldest sons b-day or school clothes.....what a asshole!

 

[ekahs retsam]

*puts on the Dad hat*

This is THE most important part of a young man's
growin' up.

The description of the behavior is proto-typical of the beginnings of puberty. A young man without a proper father figger will either become a monster during this time or will develop into a complete wreck that may never get back on the straight and narrow.

ya gotta beg yer BF to assume the role of a Father during this period

Oh and DO NOT EVEN attempt to use corporal punishment on him.
First the age fer 'spankings' has long passed and
try to imagine what it does (in the long haul) to a
man's mind to be bested by a WOMAN in a
hand to hand fight, especially by his Mah. Besides
he's not allowed to hit a gurl back and certainly not his Mother!!!

I'm serious I've seen this countless times in homes where the Father is missing AND has been made the object of ridicule (in my very own life growing up as well).

An adolescent boy must have a male he can bond with.
An adolescent boy needs someone that will bust his ass if he gets outta line.
(and it ain’t his mama)
Single parent households contribute all (ok most) of our
prison inmates and psychiatric patients.
(let yer mama beat you up when you are beginning to get
har down there and you’ll have issues aboot wimen’s for a long time)
Whew I could really go on and on about this one!
See if yer new BF would like to help get this kid to age 14 and turn him into a man!
Most ten year olds in this situation will glom onto the first male role model they can find. Just make sure they find a good one, lol

I would be careful with this. My mom divorced my dad after years of problems. I was more then fine with it but my younger brother took it much harder. If you are going to introduce another male into the house you need to keep a few things in mind. The first and most important thing is that your kids will see him as an outsider. No matter how friendly they are he will not be their dad and he shouldn't try to express authority beyond that of any other adult or they will quickly resent him.

I think winky is right in recommending not using physical punishment. My mom became very good at another highly effective form of persuasion. Whenever either my brother or I would act up she would act disappointed. At first it doesn't sound as if it would be effective. However, most kids seek approval from their parents. She didn't tell us what to do or punish us for doing wrong, though she could have. Instead she told us how unbelievably disappointed she was in our actions and how she thought we were smarter and better then that. She might even throw in a tear for good measure. If all else failed she would bring out the mother of all guns the GUILT TRIP!! "I've been trying to raise you boys as best as I could but it seems like I've done a horrible job (sob sob) I'm a terrible mother you must hate me" She should have won an acting award for ability to turn on the tears. But I didn't realize it was almost always an act until I was well into my late teens. But it worked and worked extremely well. I never had a curfew and in the back of my mind whenever I did something I knew was wrong it never helped to imagine how my mom would act if I got in trouble.

I could take an ass kicking (ass my dad was so very willing to dish out). But I always did a much better job beating myself up over my actions and how she would react.

 

[Mare]

I would be careful with this. My mom divorced my dad after years of problems. I was more then fine with it but my younger brother took it much harder. If you are going to introduce another male into the house you need to keep a few things in mind. The first and most important thing is that your kids will see him as an outsider. No matter how friendly they are he will not be their dad and he shouldn't try to express authority beyond that of any other adult or they will quickly resent him.

I think winky is right in recommending not using physical punishment. My mom became very good at another highly effective form of persuasion. Whenever either my brother or I would act up she would act disappointed. At first it doesn't sound as if it would be effective. However, most kids seek approval from their parents. She didn't tell us what to do or punish us for doing wrong, though she could have. Instead she told us how unbelievably disappointed she was in our actions and how she thought we were smarter and better then that. She might even throw in a tear for good measure. If all else failed she would bring out the mother of all guns the GUILT TRIP!! "I've been trying to raise you boys as best as I could but it seems like I've done a horrible job (sob sob) I'm a terrible mother you must hate me" She should have won an acting award for ability to turn on the tears. But I didn't realize it was almost always an act until I was well into my late teens. But it worked and worked extremely well. I never had a curfew and in the back of my mind whenever I did something I knew was wrong it never helped to imagine how my mom would act if I got in trouble.

I could take an ass kicking (ass my dad was so very willing to dish out). But I always did a much better job beating myself up over my actions and how she would react.

Ok....so what do you do when even a guilt trips,tears, yelling, grounding, taking things away, don't work? Sometimes, my oldest starts to "hit" himself, i mean really punch himself...and then he acts out on furniture and talks back with "I hate you", "I don't care", etc....He is showing the 5 yr. old this is ok to act like this, and his younger brother is trying to do it! I'm lost with answers....HONESTLY, I have tried to do my best and he does pretty much get everything he wants, He is NEVER happy with anything anymore. Example: we went school shopping and he got all he wanted, but he STILL wasnt happy and found a reason to complain about something!
I heard about this thing called "Tough Love", I am trying to look into the program down here in FLA., hopefully it will help!

 

[MrBishop]

The basics are "Ignore the bad, praise the good" - If his best screaming fit won't even turn your head, but you're there with a pat on the head and a kiss if you spot him doing something as small as picking up a toy, helping a sibling out etc... he's going to start looking for that attention.

Works with my kid...very well.
ie. the first couple of times that he pitched a fit in a store, we just kept walking. Didn't look at him...just kept walking (the occasional glance to make sure that you don't get out of sight or s/he starts breaking things, is OK). When he caught up with us after noticing that his fit did SFA, we resumed liked nothing had happened. When he listened to what we said...BINGO. Reward!


Try this org. as well.... it's really very good.
BBBS - USA

 

[Leslie]

I have tried to do my best and he does pretty much get everything he wants,

there's half the problem right there.

*from one who knows*

 

[Mare]

I know-its one of those "Damed if you do, Damned if you don't" clauses...I wish when I left the hospital with the baby I picked up one of those single mom manuals, ya know!

 

[Mare]

Just need to Vent!!!!

Yesterday was my youngest son's Birthday "5"....the asshole didnt even call to wish him a happy birthday-I just dont understand how you can forget something like that!

 

[Mare]

12 days and counting till "D" day!





we all are going to have to have a divorce party ya know!

 

[Mare]

It'll be MONDAY! 3 days and counting!

 

[Stop Laughing]

*puts on the Dad hat*

This is THE most important part of a young man's
growin' up.

The description of the behavior is proto-typical of the beginnings of puberty. A young man without a proper father figger will either become a monster during this time or will develop into a complete wreck that may never get back on the straight and narrow.

ya gotta beg yer BF to assume the role of a Father during this period

Oh and DO NOT EVEN attempt to use corporal punishment on him.
First the age fer 'spankings' has long passed and
try to imagine what it does (in the long haul) to a
man's mind to be bested by a WOMAN in a
hand to hand fight, especially by his Mah. Besides
he's not allowed to hit a gurl back and certainly not his Mother!!!

I'm serious I've seen this countless times in homes where the Father is missing AND has been made the object of ridicule (in my very own life growing up as well).

An adolescent boy must have a male he can bond with.
An adolescent boy needs someone that will bust his ass if he gets outta line.
(and it ain’t his mama)
Single parent households contribute all (ok most) of our
prison inmates and psychiatric patients.
(let yer mama beat you up when you are beginning to get
har down there and you’ll have issues aboot wimen’s for a long time)
Whew I could really go on and on about this one!
See if yer new BF would like to help get this kid to age 14 and turn him into a man!
Most ten year olds in this situation will glom onto the first male role model they can find. Just make sure they find a good one, lol

If only I would've had a father figure growing up, maybe I wouldn't have flunked out of school and done very little with my life. At least I've stayed out of jail and the asylum, yay, something to be proud of! My resentment towards my parents hasn't reached its limit yet. Maybe after I sue my dad for the back child support he owes and take the house away from my mother, then I'll be a little better...

 

[HomeLAN]

SL, you seem to have turned out fine to me. I enjoyed having you come down here, and that usually doesn't apply to losers.

 

[Starya]

Yep, would've loved having a sane male role model in the house for my critter to lean on. But, we'll just have to make do with what we have. Which is me. Poor kid.

Oh well, he seems to be getting along fine so far tho'. And lets look at the bright side: the local jail is only a 20 min walk away from here.

 

[Stop Laughing]

I could've been so much more. I found an achievement test from 3rd grade where I was in the top 1% overall, and now it depresses me. All I've done with my life is flunk out of college and am not even making 20K a year. I know why I flunked out of college, it's the same thing (not doing any homework) that I developed in 2nd grade, the year my parents split. Their answers to my school problems? Ignored it the first 6 years, then put me on Ritalin for 2 years which did nothing but give me a sleeping problem, then sent me to a counselor once a week, but by then it was too late.

 

[HomeLAN]

Never too late to try again. It's a bitch on both time and cash to work full-time and go to school, but I've done it. How badly do you want it? And have you checked into financial assistance programs for college?