Question...

tank girl

tank girl

New Member
Do you think it is better to get married young and start a family or wait and work, build a career and travel and go out with different people until you find someone compatible enough with your choice.

In some respects I think it is better to settle with someone you are happy with and take the chance while it is there in front of you.

But then if you place importance on your career and stuff first - then I feel you have the chance of acheiving things and doing what you want to do, being 'independent' but risk (from a female perspective) missing out on what are the most fertile and healthy years of your child-bearing life...

I'm interested in what you think is better...
 
Merely pointing out that what worked for me may not work for you.

Well then, I can only speak to what worked FOR ME. I waited, and wouldn't have done it any other way. Beyond the obvious conveniences (financial and otherwise), I knew who I was a hell of a lot better, and so did she. Kinda short-circuits that whole "I've outgrown you" bit that tends to destroy a lot of early marriages.
 
Marry later...you have a better understanding of yourself, your likes and dislikes and a better chance at finding someone with whom you can live for a long time.

Divorce rates are rising in those who did marry young. Fewer people are willing to marry prior to getting financially settled. At this point, I'd say that even if you wanted to marry young..you'd be hard pressed to find someone of your own age-group (male) who felt the same.
 
MrBishop said:
Marry later...you have a better understanding of yourself, your likes and dislikes and a better chance at finding someone with whom you can live for a long time.

Divorce rates are rising in those who did marry young. Fewer people are willing to marry prior to getting financially settled. At this point, I'd say that even if you wanted to marry young..you'd be hard pressed to find someone of your own age-group (male) who felt the same.
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Divorce rates are rising in just about every catagory you care to name, including gays. The only important issue for marriage is commitment. Too many people change their minds. Ever see the grief that a catholic has to go through to divorce? Make that the legal requirement as well, and you'll see a stop to the increase in a hurry.
 
Professur said:
Divorce rates are rising in just about every catagory you care to name, including gays. The only important issue for marriage is commitment. Too many people change their minds. Ever see the grief that a catholic has to go through to divorce? Make that the legal requirement as well, and you'll see a stop to the increase in a hurry.
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So far, gay marriage has a 400x stronger success-rate than het-marriage :D

Mind you...it's only been a few weeks.
 
MrBishop said:
So far, gay marriage has a 400x stronger success-rate than het-marriage :D

Mind you...it's only been a few weeks.
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Actually, I'd lay my money on the fact that gays can get married just about anywhere that it's legal. But you have to get divorced in your home district.
 
I think you need to be mature in thought with the ability to carry over your thoughts in to action. That is different for everyone. Some are mature and wise at a young age, some aren't until older.
 
HomeLAN said:
Too many variables to make a call that would work every time.
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I agree but given the options presented...

Get a life, see the world, do all the stupid things that seem fun. Then follow tradition (get married THEN have kids) & remember that, immediately upon the birth of #1 child & following thru until the last child is raised & gone, your life is no longer yours. It belongs to the rugrats.
 
HomeLAN said:
Merely pointing out that what worked for me may not work for you.

Well then, I can only speak to what worked FOR ME. I waited, and wouldn't have done it any other way. Beyond the obvious conveniences (financial and otherwise), I knew who I was a hell of a lot better, and so did she. Kinda short-circuits that whole "I've outgrown you" bit that tends to destroy a lot of early marriages.
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I agree. I think the only reason I would get married would be if I found somebody I wanted to have kids with, who wanted to have kids with me - and for the legal side of things - the marriage would be more of a pact, for the time it took to be commited to enjoying life together and raising them; and then afterwards if it isn't our thing to go seperate ways. It would be more of a friendship and an arrangement than anything else - because I think that people that get married and havent got that friendship but are only "in love" quickly loose the moment because they jumped in with the wrong ideas.

And then it would be have to be someone I could really take seriously enough to have kids with - in this lifetime I am cynical as to whether I'd ever meet that person anyway.

But I also feel that it is entirely possible to meet that someone, that "best friend-partner"at any age; if you are not looking for the wrong things and get married for the wrong reasons - (ie:infatuation).

Realistically I think marriage as a tradition in itself is outdated - I think it is entirely conflicting with the way we actually are and behave in terms of relationships and living our lives- especially today; in a society of instant gratification when people and things change so much - it feels pretty near impossible to be sure about anything for too long. But then I'm an athiest and a cynic and a nihilist so its easier for me to think that way.

My ideal scenario would be to be with someone who is commited to having a long-term relationship and is open the possibility of having kids in the future with no pressure of marriage or anything before we absolutely are sure it is exactly what we want. In the meantime we work on life and career and all that stuff until that decision is ready to be made - then the prospect of marriage would be neccesary to secure the relationship to bring up a child.

May be fairly idealistic,:shrug: and I'm the last person to ever fall into that trap: but thats what I think I want.
 
I'm also one that has to plan things the way I want them - and this is just something which I feel i need to think about - however realistically I know most things don't go to plan. I just need the security of having an idea.

I even have an idea of who I want to do this with :lol: but I'm not jumping on the prospect just yet ...
 
"Do you think it is better to get married young and start a family or wait and work, build a career and travel and go out with different people until you find someone compatible enough with your choice."

If your lot in life is limited, a blue collar future awaits you then
"get married young and start a family " .

Of course if you will go beyond such a limited existence then you must "work, build a career and travel".

Either way growing and getting at least a little "self-actualization" is paramount prior to committing to the lifelong dedication of marriage and child rearing.
 
true. but Winky, I am 20 I'm not getting any younger, y'know... :lol2:

lifelong? hell no.I just want a couppla liddle babies :swing: They're going to be well gone by 18 :D (Including the husband too, if I can help it :p )
 
tank girl said:
true. but Winky, I am 20 I'm not getting any younger, y'know... :lol2:

lifelong? hell no.I just want a couppla liddle babies :swing: They're going to be well gone by 18 :D (Including the husband too, if I can help it :p )
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Then don't bother.

Til Death do us part does not include an escape clause.
 
You are 20
and on the 28th of December we will celebrate
our 20th anniversary. (we were together for four years before that).

This summer our only kid will bail for college and will turn 18 in August.

Don't worry about getting your future husband and kids to leave,
believe me that would be easy to achieve.

Yep it has to be more than just flowery verbiage.
----------------
Will you love, respect and honor her throughout your years together?

Do you promise to love and cherish her, in sickness and in health, for richer for poorer, for better for worse, and forsaking all others, keep yourself only unto her, for so long as you both shall live?

Do you mutually promise in the presence of your friends and family that you will at all times and in all circumstances, conduct yourselves toward one another as becomes Husband and Wife?

Do you mutually promise you will love, cherish and respect one another throughout the years?

(Name)do you pledge to love (name) and throughout your years together to be honest, faithful, and kind to her. Do you pledge to give to her the same happiness she gives to you, to react to her as only you can, and to respect her for who she is, not who you want her to be? I DO.
(Bride repeats the same vows.)

it is my intention to be your best friend, to respect and support you, to be patient with you, to work together with you to achieve those things that are important to us, to accept you unconditionally, and to share life with you throughout the years.

I pledge to you with all my heart and being to love and support you in all ways, to my utmost capabilities, for the rest of our lives.
 
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