The Pwnwich™


Staff member
In looking for a meal that will satisfy my every hunger, I noticed an abundance of thin-sliced meat packages in the fridge and concocted a master plan to eliminate them... Eat them!

Three slices of bread, four spreading knives worth of mayonnaise, two packs of chicken, one pack of beef, one pack of turkey, one pack of pastrami, two slices of american cheese, two slices of colby jack cheese, and one slice of pepper cheese (contains jalapenos and other mildly spicy peppers)

From left to right:

Cleanup crew
The Pwnwich™ itself
Disaster prevention

Will report back with my findings once consumption has commenced...


  • pwnwich.jpg
    52.1 KB · Views: 230


Staff member
PrincessLissa said:
that sandwich is like 3 meals for me! WOW! :eek9:
No, no. Pwnwich™. :D

Consumption of the Pwnwich™ has completed. Here is my report:

A total of 24 bites was needed to completely finish the Pwnwich™.

After the first 3 bites, a reconstruction of the Pwnwich™ was required due to finding that the paper separator was left on the slice of pepper cheese.

After another 6 bites, another reconstruction was required due to finding another paper separator on one of the slices of colby jack cheese.

I noticed that the Cleanup Crew had a significantly more pleasant aftertaste than the paper cheese separators.

The mayonnaise proved to be quite difficult to keep on the Pwnwich™.

Heartburn already set in around bite 16, and I proceeded to take one tablet of Disaster Prevention.

Upon taking this, the Cleanup Crew foamed quite quickly once it entered my mouth, and for the short moment that it remained, felt like shaving cream; as such, I swallowed it quickly attempting not to think about the odd sensation, and continued with consumption of the Pwnwich™.

The Pwnwich™ began to get easier to control for the remaining 8 bites. No significant findings, other than pepper cheese doesn't taste too good followed by the combination of the Disaster Prevention and the Cleanup Crew.

Licking of the plate to consume the jettisonned mayonnaise was relatively easy. I did accidentally bump myself in the head with the end of the plate, but there was no noticeable injury.

In conclusion, the Pwnwich™ lived up to its name, and pwned.

My post-Pwnwich™ report will commence tomorrow, entitled The Aftermath.


New Member
beer is the worst thing on earth. it's bottled piss.

get a good mixed drink or something. or just drink coke.


Too cute for words
PuterTutor said:
You could spare us that. Really.

No, no, no! I want all the gory details. Color, length , diameter, etc.
I'd be especially interested in your analysis of the olfactory data.



Too cute for words
Oohh, I forgot volume of water displaced so we can calculate the density. I knew all that math would be useful for something someday. :grinyes: