My gf dumped me a few weeks ago

[outside looking in]

After having dated for over a year. Now, she still wants to talk, she says she misses me, and tells me that I was the one that broke up with her. All well and good, except that she is still confused about what she wants, and just how she feels.

Damn women.

 

[Leslie]

Too bad Damn women - I'll give you that, we are fickle bitches in the main. Did you tell her what you want? Being nosy now - what do you want?

 

[outside looking in]

She knows what I want. I wanted her, no conditions, no stipulations. I enjoy spending time with her, on whatever terms there have to be. I could see spending the rest of my life with her, but I'm in no hurry either.

It's been a semi-long distance thing for half a year, and would have been even longer come next fall. I'm not sure if she is comfortable with that. What can I do?

I'm just in this semi-limbo now... don't know what she's thinking, or what she's feeling. Much less what she wants. Don't know if I should see other people (she's not, but I don't know if that's cause she thinks we shouldn't, or she'd just generally too confused about things right now to throw something else into the mix).

Oh well, life sucks sometimes.

 

[fury]

Sorry to hear. Women can often get confused on what they want in life, especially when who they want to share that life with is someone they have no way of getting (the perfect man). There will always be differences in a relationship, what makes it stronger is being able to understand and accept that those differences will always be there. Perhaps she didn't have enough confidence in herself to be able to understand and accept the possibility of there being differences, arguments, and fights. Just a wild guess.

 

[Leslie]

Noone but her can really tell you what she wants, hard situation for you, I will say that long distance is difficult - been there done that. Is she afraid of the committment or wanting it? Did she say? It would be difficult for the two of you to move ahead with anything until she's had some time to think, I feel.

 

[Guest]

I can't help you with that one. I hope it works out for you.

 

[outside looking in]

Hmm... well, there were never any fights in over a year, hardly any argument that lasted over 30 seconds. It was almost too good. In fact, even after the breakup, she's made it clear that she couldn't imagine anyone being any better to her, or anyone she'd be more attracted to. She describes me as her "perfect" man. ?(

L. Summerton, I do think maybe she's just not ready for a serious commitment. I'm a couple of years older, and she's heading back to graduate school. She's probably thinking about what happens when she graduates... can she find a job near me, or me near her? I can completely understand that, and like I said, I'm in no rush. Still, I don't want to lose someone I care about just because she's a bit confused. All I know to do is give her the space she apparently needs, and see what happens. I've always been of the opinion that I shouldn't think so much about the future that I spoil the moment... why do women have to overanalyze everything?

 

[Leslie]

I don't know why we do that, I regret it a lot sometimes myself, genetic programming I think. Can't shake it, just have to live with it.

Space is likely what it'll take, do you have to break up to have space? Could you maybe just 'open it up a bit'? Don't know what else to say.

 

[outside looking in]

Yeah, I don't really think she wanted to "break up" per se. I knew something was wrong, but she didn't want to talk about it. Finally, I just asked her if she wanted to break up "or something." She cried a bit, and asked what the "or something" option was. Of course, it feels like we've broken up... Problem is, I just really don't know where things stand, and I'm not about to be pushy and make her tell me. I'm a nice guy (wish I weren't fairly often), so I'll just wait until she sorts things out.

It's hell right now though.

 

[Leslie]

I can imagine

 

[greenfreak]

Hi there, I don't know ya yet but feel compelled to reply...

You mentioned that it would be a long distance relationship... Those are hard. I tried it once, thought we had a strong relationship but over months of only phone calls, I guess it waned. I'm not sure what else I can tell you but to just make sure she knows that this is not what you want if she's unsure. I know you want to give her her space but she might misinterpret that into meaning you don't care if you don't see her.

Good luck with it, no matter what happens.

 

[outside looking in]

Thanks.

 

[sbcanada]

Girls are so much better to get relationship advice from...

 

[greenfreak]

I used to think about stuff like that night and day and obsess over it. Then I met Rusty and I don't need to go through that anymore thank God.

But yeah women think of things like that I guess!

 

[krusty]

Originally posted by fury
Sorry to hear. Women can often get confused on what they want in life, especially when who they want to share that life with is someone they have no way of getting (the perfect man). There will always be differences in a relationship, what makes it stronger is being able to understand and accept that those differences will always be there. Perhaps she didn't have enough confidence in herself to be able to understand and accept the possibility of there being differences, arguments, and fights. Just a wild guess.

In matters of the heart it pays not to listen to the inexperienced.

 

[greenfreak]

Actually, I think there's truth in what Fury said... But that's just a woman's point of view

Hey krusty-How you doin?

 

[Justintime]

Originally posted by sbcanada
Girls are so much better to get relationship advice from...

Yes, you do give good advice










Snicker*

 

[outside looking in]

lol.

 

[nalani]

I sorta suck at the whole relationship thing - so I'll just hug you and tell you I hope you get through it alright

 

[Inkara1]

Whatever you do, don't try the "friends with benefits" thing if you still care about her. I've been there before. It sucked, and everyone else had to listen to me bitch about it.

As I was once told by a classmate: You can't fuck for sport if you still care about the person.

My 2¢