Anyone want a biscuit?
- Thread starter Scanty
- Start date
unclehobart
New Member
You did that on the fly? I thought it was a cut and paste from a site. Didnt mean to stub your toes.
unclehobart
New Member
*Tapping foot impatiently* Whats the truth then? I shall be forced to lick at your navel and rub your feet with rare oils until such time as you confess.
Scanty
New Member
unclehobart said:
Well...this is definitely from memory...
Arthur – Old woman!
Dennis – Man!
Arthur – Man, sorry. What knight lives in that castle over there?
Dennis – I’m thirty-seven.
Arthur – What?
Dennis – I’m thirty-seven, I’m not old.
Arthur – Well, I can’t just call you ‘man’.
Dennis – You could say Dennis…
Arthur – I didn’t know you were called Dennis!
lol...my favo(u)rite bit
GUARD #1 Halt! Who goes there?
ARTHUR It is I, Arthur, son of Uther Pendragon, from the castle of Camelot. King of the Britons, defeator of the Saxons, sovereign of all England!
GUARD #1 Pull the other one!
ARTHUR I am. And this my trusty servant Patsy.We have ridden the length and breadth of the land in search of knights who will join me in my court at Camelot. I must speak with your lord and master.
GUARD #1 What, ridden on a horse?
ARTHUR Yes!
GUARD #1 You're using coconuts!
ARTHUR What?
GUARD #1 You've got two empty halves of coconut and you're bangin' 'em together.
ARTHUR So? We have ridden since the snows of winter covered this land, through the kingdom of Mercea, through--
GUARD #1 Where'd you get the coconut?
ARTHUR We found them.
GUARD #1 Found them? In Mercea? The coconut's tropical!
ARTHUR What do you mean?
GUARD #1 Well, this is a temperate zone.
ARTHUR The swallow may fly south with the sun or the house martin or the plumber may seek warmer climes in winter yet these are not strangers to our land.
GUARD #1 Are you suggesting coconuts migrate?
ARTHUR Not at all, they could be carried.
GUARD #1 What -- a swallow carrying a coconut?
ARTHUR It could grip it by the husk!
GUARD #1 It's not a question of where he grips it! It's a simple question of weight ratios! A five ounce bird could not carry a 1 pound coconut.
ARTHUR Well, it doesn't matter. Will you go and tell your master that Arthur from the Court of Camelot is here.
GUARD #1 Listen, in order to maintain air-speed velocity, a swallow needs to beat its wings 43 times every second, right?
ARTHUR Please!
GUARD #1 Am I right?
ARTHUR I'm not interested!
GUARD #2 It could be carried by an African swallow!
GUARD #1 Oh, yeah, an African swallow maybe, but not a European swallow, that's my point.
GUARD #2 Oh, yeah, I agree with that...
ARTHUR Will you ask your master if he wants to join my court at Camelot?!
GUARD #1 But then of course African swallows are not migratory.
GUARD #2 Oh, yeah...
GUARD #1 So they couldn't bring a coconut back anyway...
[clop clop]
GUARD #2 Wait a minute -- supposing two swallows carried it together?
GUARD #1 No, they'd have to have it on a line.
GUARD #2 Well, simple! They'd just use a strand of creeper!
GUARD #1 What, held under the dorsal guiding feathers?
GUARD #2 Well, why not?
ARTHUR It is I, Arthur, son of Uther Pendragon, from the castle of Camelot. King of the Britons, defeator of the Saxons, sovereign of all England!
GUARD #1 Pull the other one!
ARTHUR I am. And this my trusty servant Patsy.We have ridden the length and breadth of the land in search of knights who will join me in my court at Camelot. I must speak with your lord and master.
GUARD #1 What, ridden on a horse?
ARTHUR Yes!
GUARD #1 You're using coconuts!
ARTHUR What?
GUARD #1 You've got two empty halves of coconut and you're bangin' 'em together.
ARTHUR So? We have ridden since the snows of winter covered this land, through the kingdom of Mercea, through--
GUARD #1 Where'd you get the coconut?
ARTHUR We found them.
GUARD #1 Found them? In Mercea? The coconut's tropical!
ARTHUR What do you mean?
GUARD #1 Well, this is a temperate zone.
ARTHUR The swallow may fly south with the sun or the house martin or the plumber may seek warmer climes in winter yet these are not strangers to our land.
GUARD #1 Are you suggesting coconuts migrate?
ARTHUR Not at all, they could be carried.
GUARD #1 What -- a swallow carrying a coconut?
ARTHUR It could grip it by the husk!
GUARD #1 It's not a question of where he grips it! It's a simple question of weight ratios! A five ounce bird could not carry a 1 pound coconut.
ARTHUR Well, it doesn't matter. Will you go and tell your master that Arthur from the Court of Camelot is here.
GUARD #1 Listen, in order to maintain air-speed velocity, a swallow needs to beat its wings 43 times every second, right?
ARTHUR Please!
GUARD #1 Am I right?
ARTHUR I'm not interested!
GUARD #2 It could be carried by an African swallow!
GUARD #1 Oh, yeah, an African swallow maybe, but not a European swallow, that's my point.
GUARD #2 Oh, yeah, I agree with that...
ARTHUR Will you ask your master if he wants to join my court at Camelot?!
GUARD #1 But then of course African swallows are not migratory.
GUARD #2 Oh, yeah...
GUARD #1 So they couldn't bring a coconut back anyway...
[clop clop]
GUARD #2 Wait a minute -- supposing two swallows carried it together?
GUARD #1 No, they'd have to have it on a line.
GUARD #2 Well, simple! They'd just use a strand of creeper!
GUARD #1 What, held under the dorsal guiding feathers?
GUARD #2 Well, why not?
Scanty
New Member
Arthur – Go and tell your master that we have been charged by God with a sacred quest! If he will give us food and shelter for the night, he can join us in our quest for the Holy Grail!
Guard – Well, I’ll ask him but I don’t think he’ll very keen. Er, he’s already got one, you see?
Arthur – What!?
Galahad – He says they’ve already got one!
Arthur – Are you sure he’s got one?
Guard – Oh yes, it’s very nice!
Guard turns to his fellow soldiers.
Guard – I told them we’ve already got one!
Arthur – Well, erm…can we come up and have a look?
Guard – Of course not! You are English types!
Arthur – Well what are you, then?
Guard – I’m French! Why do you think I have this outrageous accent, you silly king!?
Galahad – What are you doing in England?
Guard – Mind your own business!
Arthur – If you will not show us the grail, we shall take your castle by force!
Guard – You don’t frighten us, English pig-dogs! Go and boil your bottoms, sons of a silly person! I’ll blow my nose at you, so called Arthur-king! You and all your silly English ker-nig-ets!
Blows raspberries and hits his helmet
Galahad – What a strange person…
Arthur – Now, look here, my good man –
Guard – I don’t wanna talk to you no more, you empty-headed animal food-trough wiper! I fart in your general direction! Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelt of elderberries!
Galahad – …Is there someone else up there we could talk to?
Guard – No, now go away or I shall taunt you a second time!
Attachment(s):
montyp frenchmen laughing.jpg, 25.58kb
Guard – Well, I’ll ask him but I don’t think he’ll very keen. Er, he’s already got one, you see?
Arthur – What!?
Galahad – He says they’ve already got one!
Arthur – Are you sure he’s got one?
Guard – Oh yes, it’s very nice!
Guard turns to his fellow soldiers.
Guard – I told them we’ve already got one!
Arthur – Well, erm…can we come up and have a look?
Guard – Of course not! You are English types!
Arthur – Well what are you, then?
Guard – I’m French! Why do you think I have this outrageous accent, you silly king!?
Galahad – What are you doing in England?
Guard – Mind your own business!
Arthur – If you will not show us the grail, we shall take your castle by force!
Guard – You don’t frighten us, English pig-dogs! Go and boil your bottoms, sons of a silly person! I’ll blow my nose at you, so called Arthur-king! You and all your silly English ker-nig-ets!
Blows raspberries and hits his helmet
Galahad – What a strange person…
Arthur – Now, look here, my good man –
Guard – I don’t wanna talk to you no more, you empty-headed animal food-trough wiper! I fart in your general direction! Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelt of elderberries!
Galahad – …Is there someone else up there we could talk to?
Guard – No, now go away or I shall taunt you a second time!
Attachment(s):
montyp frenchmen laughing.jpg, 25.58kb
