Death is tough to deal with

[Spirit]

My brother calls and we conference with my sister at his request. Well, apparently one of our oldest family friends has died. :cry: He was 42. He had colon cancer that had spread to his kidney. My brother got the call from our friends Mom. In that same call, she somehow felt it necessary to tell my brother that her and our Dad had gone out for drinks and he told her he had leukemia and that it was in remission. So - my Dad knew for a year before he died that he was dying??

I find my oldest friend had died

and that my Dad knew he was dying and never told us.

I'm in almost as big a mess tonight as when I found out my dad was in the hospital dying

 

[K62]

Ah, I'm very sorry, Spirit.

I understand that there is nothing harder than a family member, or close friend who is sick.

 

[Nixy]

If your dad's leukemia was in remission he likely thought he was going to be fine. My dad had leukemia, he died. After he died we found out that there were no cancer cells present in his bone marrow. If they had done a bone marrow test before he died we all would have thought he was going to be fine because the cancer was gone (he had a bone marrow transplant and his body rejected it, that's how he died). I know how hard it is to lose someone and my heart goes out to you but try not to think too much of your dad's omission of information, he may have really thought that he was fine if the cancer was in remission.

 

[Sharky]

I'm so sorry, Spirit

 

[Luis G]

 

[Gonz]

Condolences. Hopefully you'll have no more this year.

 

[Scanty]

I'm so sorry Spirit. I hope something develops in terms of an explanation to make it not so hard for you.

 

[Uki Chick]

I'm so sorry spirit! My thoughts are with you. I think your dad just didn't want to worry you guys and probably felt it better to keep it to himself and live his life for the moment instead of dwelling on the cancer. He probably enjoyed his time with you guys more that way.

 

[MrBishop]

Sorry to hear that, Spirit.

 

[tonksy]

I'm sorry , Spirit. I know how hard this must be for you. We're here if you need us.

 

[catocom]

I've had close friends die, and it is like family.
It also does seem to make it tougher when it's sudden, or unforeseen.

I'll put a prayer in for you that you anguish, and grieving may be lightened.

 

[Spirit]

Thanks, guys/gals.

It's strange how a floodgate just opened right up for me when I heard the double whammy last night. It brought up feelings that I could never pinpoint before. I don't remember typing that post, I just know I did.

I think I need to write about my childhood because there's so much shit that went down when I was young, inside of me, from my past, that it's the only way I can think of to get it out and sort it out. I don't want to sit and tell anyone because in the grand scheme of things, who cares? I hate pity parties. It makes me feel weak and vulnerable and I don't know if I can do that - People have their own shit to deal with anyways. 'Sides, I hate to burden others with my stuff - I'd rather spend my time making them feel good and helping them. What am I trying to say? Bleh.

I think I need to get in touch with his closest friend and see if she knows the truth about my Dad. If he DID know he was dying, then I think he was just being protective over us kids because we had just lost our Mom - JUST lost her. If he didn't know, then... well... I guess nothing is different.

Holy shit - I'm all fucked up today. Just great.

 

[Luis G]

You know where to find me if you need someone to listen (read).

 

[tonksy]

 

[simplyred]

So sorry to hear about this Spirit.

I think you are right. Writting it all down does help one to sort things out. Just remember the past is behind you. I know that is easier said than done.

 

[tonksy]

[Pumbaa]You gotta put your past in your behind[/Pumbaa]

 

[Spirit]

So THAT's what they're calling vibrators these days.....*past*.....

 

[tonksy]

....just make sure your past has a nice wide flange at the end or you'll be headed to the ER for a past-ectomy.

 

[TexasRaceLady]

Spirit, sometimes life comes at you so hard, you'd swear you were hit by a train. Losing close friends and family members in a short span of time is something I've had to go through, also.

You think at times that you're going to lose your grip on your sanity. You don't know whether to curse or say prayers. You want to cry, shout, and scream bloody murder.

You are not alone in this situation. You have friends here. Yell and scream at us if it helps. If the situation warrants, we'll yell and scream back at you --- just to let you know you are not alone.

 

[simplyred]

You think at times that you're going to lose your grip on your sanity. [/b]

And if you do, it's no so bad to be legally crazy.


Oh, come on, SMILE!