We've seen the Dixie tests...

[SouthernN'Proud]

Now here's the yankee test! Shamelessly lifted from The League Of The South webpage.


*Skip this if it's gonna make your blood pressure rise to giggle a little at anything besides redneck jokes. Thank you*



You might be a yankee if:

1. Your wife opens the door for you.
2. You let doors slam in anyone’s face (male or female).
3. You think dinner & supper are the same meal.
4. Your philosophy is "there oughta be a law".
5. You escape high taxes in the North and vote to raise them in the South.
6. Your socks match your "outfit".
7. You're a winter resident of "Floorida".
8. What's on T.V. tonight is important.
9. Who won the academy awards is news.
10. You believe your newspaper contains news.
11. Y'all is one person.
12. You wave at the lady with the flat tire.
13. You consider yourself a "progressive" instead of a nosy, busybody do-gooder.
14. You talk through your nose.
15. You fall for a Southern used car salesman turned president.
16. You're patriotic no matter what the government does.
17. You're offended by Southern symbols in the South.
18. You talk with your mouth full.
19. Your parents never taught you to say “thank-you”.
20. You think addressing your elders as “Sir” & “Ma’am” will hurt your self esteem.
21. You consider your car a status symbol.
22. You take the Wall Street Journal so your neighbors will see it in your driveway.
23. You call everyone “Guys”.
24. When you want others to think you’ve done something extraordinary you holler “Yesssss!”

You are a damn-yankee if:

1. You think you live in a free country.
2. You truly believe that Abe Lincoln freed anyone, anywhere.
3. You think it was “for the best” that the North won the War for Southern Independence.
4. You consider the citizens of the Confederacy to have been traitors to the U.S.
5. You see nothing at all wrong with the union army attacking the South and the union navy blockading Southern ports.
6. You think you have a right to tell Southerners how to live and if they don’t agree to force them.
7. You think it’s funny to depict Southerners as ignorant, slack-jawed, buck-toothed, inbred, violent, backwoods, beer-swilling potbellied rednecks, who just need to lighten-up and learn how to laugh at themselves.
8. You cannot fathom why Southerners would not want to keep company with you.
9. There’s some part of the statement, “Leave us the hell alone!” that you just can’t grasp.
10.You think our struggle for Independence from you people is over.

 

[Professur]

You forgot to put the j/k at the bottom.

 

[tonksy]

but...but...I do think what's on TV tonight is important....it's tuesday...Miami Ink...
Ya'll is for 2 or more people.
All ya'll is for large groups.
Ya'll's or All Ya'll's is plural possesive.

 

[Leslie]

You're Canadian When...

You have more Canadian Tire money than legal tender in your wallet
You're not offended by the term "Homo Milk".
You understand the sentence "Could you please pass me a serviette, I just spilled my BOWL OF POUTINE" !
You eat chocolate bars instead of candy bars.
You drink pop, not soda.
You have a Prime Minister who isn't fluent in either of the official languages (English & French).
You know what it means to be 'on the pogey'.
You know that a mickey and 2-4's mean "Party at the camp, eh?!"
You can drink legally while still a teen.
You stand in "line-ups" at the movie, not lines.
You talk about the weather with strangers and friends alike.
You don't know or care about the fuss with Cuba, it's just a cheap place to travel with very good cigars.
When there is a social problem, you turn to your government to fix it, instead of telling them to stay out of it.
You get milk in bags as well as cartons and plastic jugs.
Pike is a type of fish, not some part of a highway.
You drive on a highway, not a freeway.
You know what a Robertson screwdriver is.
You have Canadian Tire money in your kitchen drawers.
You know that Mounties "don't always look like that."
You dismiss all beers under 6% as "for children and the elderly."
You know that the Friendly Giant isn't a vegetable product line.
You know that Casey and Finnegan are not a Celtic musical group.
You participated in "Participaction."
You have an Inuit carving by your bedside with the rationale, "What's good enough protection for the Prime Minister is good enough for me."
You wonder why there isn't a 5 dollar coin yet.
Like any international assassin/terrorist/spy in the world, you possess a Canadian Passport.
You use a red pen on your non-Canadian textbooks and fill in the missing 'u's from labor, honor, color, etc.
You know the French equivalents of "free", "prize", and "no sugar added", thanks to your extensive education in bilingual cereal packaging.
You get excited whenever an American television show mentions Canada.
You make a mental note to talk about it at work the next day.
You can do all the hand actions to Sharon, Lois and Bram's "Skin-a-ma-rinky-dinky-doo".
You can eat more than one maple sugar candy without feeling nauseous.
You were mad at the CBC when "The Beachcombers" was taken off the air.
You know what a touque is and you often wear one.
You have heard of ... and have some cherished memento of Bob and Doug McKenzie.
You know Toronto is NOT a province.
You never miss "Coach's Corner" during Hockey Night in Canada.
Back bacon and Kraft Dinner are two of your favourite food groups.
Your car has a cord and plug sticking out of the grill connected to a block heater.
You only know three spices: salt, pepper and ketchup.
You design your Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
The mosquitoes have landing lights.
You have more kilometres on your snow blower than your car.
You have 10 favourite recipes for moose meat.
Canadian Tire Store on any Saturday is busier than most toy stores at Christmas.
You've taken your kids trick-or-treating in a blizzard.
Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled in with snow.
You think sexy lingerie is tube-socks and a flannel nightie with only 8 buttons.
You owe more money on your snowmobile than your car.
The local paper covers national and international headlines on 2 pages, but requires 6 pages for hockey.
At least twice a year, the kitchen doubles as a meat processing plant.
The most effective mosquito repellent is a shotgun.
Your snowblower gets stuck on the roof.
You think the start of deer season is a national holiday.
You head south to go to your cottage.
You frequently clean grease off your barbecue so the bears won't prowl on your deck.
You know which leaves make good toilet paper.
The major parish fund-raiser isn't bingo, it's sausage making.
You find -40C a little chilly.
The trunk of your car doubles as a portable deep freeze.
You attend a formal event in your best clothes, your finest jewellery and your Sorels.
You can play road hockey on skates.
You know four seasons: Winter, Still Winter, Almost Winter and Road Repair.
The municipality buys a Zambonie before a bus.
You understand the Labatt Blue commercials.
You perk up when you hear the theme from "Hockey Night in Canada".
You pronounce the last letter of the alphabet "zed" instead of "zee."
You end some sentences with "eh," ... eh?
You have frozen your tongue to something metal.

 

[Leslie]

You participated in "Participaction"
You are excited whenever an American tv show mentions Canada
Back bacon and Kraft dinner are two of your favourite food
groups
You wear socks with our sandals
You know all the words to "If I had a million dollars" by The Barenaked Ladies, including the inter-stanza banter between Steven and Ed.
You think Ed the Sock is funny.
You have memorized the Heritage Foundation's Heritage Moments, including your favourites, "You know I canna read a word...", "Come on, Vince" and "Kanata".
You can sing "O' Canada" in French and actually know what the words mean!
You send angry letters to the CBC demanding the return of the Hinterland Who's Who so you can finally find out what happens to the arctic ptarmigan in winter.
You think Great Big Sea isn't Maritime-centric enough.
Your backpack has more than one Canadian flag iron-on.
You have been on Speaker's Corner.
You know the French equivalents of ``free,'' ``prize'' and ``no sugar added,'' thanks to your extensive education in bilingual cereal packaging.
You know who said "Now I'll call Rusty".
You had a crush on Joey Jeremiah from Degrassi Junior High.
You think -10 C is mild weather.
You have twins named Donovan and Bailey.
You have twins named Wayne and Gretzky (alternatively Gordie and Howe).
Thinking of Johnny Wayne causes gales of laughter. I told him, Julie, don't go.
You're proud that Captain Kirk came from Montreal.
You read rather than scanned this list.

 

[SouthernN'Proud]

You forgot to put the j/k at the bottom.

By design.

 

[chcr]

2. You let doors slam in anyone’s face (male or female).

Only do it to the bigoted, redneck, funny-talking, hillbilly southern ass hats, not just anyone. (Of course, they're all that way)

3. You think it was “for the best” that the North won the War for Southern Independence.

Hmm... I thought it was "The War of Yankee Aggression."

 

[SouthernN'Proud]

You talk about the weather with strangers and friends alike.
You drive on a highway, not a freeway.
You know what a touque is and you often wear one.In proper season
You have heard of ... and have some cherished memento of Bob and Doug McKenzie.
At least twice a year, the kitchen doubles as a meat processing plant.
The most effective mosquito repellent is a shotgun.

You frequently clean grease off your barbecue so the bears won't prowl on your deck.
You know which leaves make good toilet paper.

Guilty

 

[SouthernN'Proud]

Hmm... I thought it was "The War of Yankee Aggression."

Either is acceptable, with the "y" word not capitalized of course...

 

[Gonz]

5. You escape high taxes in the North

Where might that be? Taxes go up with the latitude.

You are a damn-yankee if:

When there is a social problem, you turn to your government to fix it, instead of telling them to stay out of it.

The only one I understood.

 

[Gato_Solo]

Either is acceptable, with the "y" word not capitalized of course...

Actually...the "y" is capitalized, as its a title...just like Southerner is capitalized...Only when used as a description, i.e., yankee cooking, is the "y" lower-case.

 

[SouthernN'Proud]

Not in my world, pal.

 

[rrfield]

You might be a Yankee if...

A war that was waged 140 years ago has little bearing on your day to day life and/or mental outlook and/or opinion of others based only on location.

 

[Kruz]

I guess I fall under all 3..
I lived up north right on the border with Canada,
*has curbed his use of the term "yooz-guys"*
but I only Qualify as being a Damn Yankee because I moved to Atlanta

 

[Leslie]

*has curbed his use of the term "yooz-guys"*

 

[chcr]

Where might that be? Taxes go up with the latitude.

Can you say "no state income tax?"

 

[spike]

You understand the sentence "Could you please pass me a serviette, I just spilled my BOWL OF POUTINE" !
You know what it means to be 'on the pogey'.
You stand in "line-ups" at the movie, not lines.
You get milk in bags as well as cartons and plastic jugs.
You have Canadian Tire money in your kitchen drawers.
You know that the Friendly Giant isn't a vegetable product line.
You know that Casey and Finnegan are not a Celtic musical group.
You participated in "Participaction."
You have an Inuit carving by your bedside with the rationale, "What's good enough protection for the Prime Minister is good enough for me."
You can do all the hand actions to Sharon, Lois and Bram's "Skin-a-ma-rinky-dinky-doo".
You know what a touque is and you often wear one.
You pronounce the last letter of the alphabet "zed" instead of "zee."

Canada confuses me more than I would have thought.

What's a serviette, POUTINE, Participaction, Tire Money, and touque? And why on earth would you buy milk in a bag? Do you use an IV?

 

[chcr]

Canada confuses me more than I would have thought.

What's a serviette, POUTINE, Participaction, Tire Money, and touque? And why on earth would you buy milk in a bag? Do you use an IV?

Ooh, ooh! I know some of them!

I think a serviette is a napkin. Poutine is allegedly food (made with french fries). Don't know about participation. Tire Money comes from Canada (Canadian?) Tire when you buy stuff so you can go back to Canada Tire and buy more stuff. A touque is a knit hat (not familiar with the McKenzie brothers then?). Their milk comes in bags instead of bottles or cartons, presumably because it came out of a bag in the first place?

The old saying about England applies just as much to us and Canuckistan: Two cultures separated by a common language.

 

[Leslie]

Chcr got some of it!!

Serviette = Napkin
Poutine = Fries with gravy and cheese curds
Canadian Tire = More than just tires
A touque is a hat
Participaction was/is a Canadian government project to promote health and fitness among Canadians. PSA's between commercials, a fitness program for all the kids in public schools to participact in: Body Break! < lololol
Milk comes in bags cause cardboard and plasticjuggy flavoured milk is disgusting. We have those here too, I dont' really know why the bags. But they rock anyway. Less waste is a good excuse.

did I get em all?

 

[spike]

Chcr got some of it!!

did I get em all?

Yep, I wanna try the Poutine now.

Now I always thought you are a damn-yankee if:

You are in this picture->