MrBishop
Well-Known Member
ittsburgh Post-Gazette - Canada article
You live next door to a clean-cut, quiet guy. He never plays loud music
or throws raucous parties. He doesn't gossip over the fence, just smiles
politely and offers you some tomatoes. His lawn is cared-for, his house
is neat as a pin and you get the feeling he doesn't always lock his
front door. He wears Dockers. You hardly know he's there. And then one
day you discoverthat he has pot in his basement, spends his weekends
at peace marchesand that guy you've seen mowing the yard is his spouse.
Allow me tointroduce Canada. The Canadians are so quiet that you may
have forgottenthey're up there, but they've been busy doing some surprising
things.
It's like discovering that the mice you are dimly aware of in your attic
have been building an espresso machine. Did you realize, for example,
that our reliable little tag-along brother never joined the Coalition of
the Willing? Canada wasn't willing, as it turns out, to join the fun in
Iraq. I can only assume American diner menus weren't angrily changed to
include "freedom bacon," because nobody here eats the stuff anyway. And
then there's the wild drug situation: Canadian doctors are authorized to
dispense medical marijuana. Parliament is considering legislation that
would not exactly legalize marijuana possession, as you may have heard,
but would reduce the penalty for possession of less than 15 grams to a
fine, like a speeding ticket. This is to allow law enforcement to
concentrate resources on traffickers; if your garden is full of wasps,
it's smarter to go for the nest rather than trying to swat every
individual bug. Or, in the United States, bong.
Now, here's the part that I, as an American, can't understand. These
poor benighted pinkos are doing everything wrong. They have a drug
problem Marijuana offenses have doubled since 1991. And Canada has
strict gun control laws, which means that the criminals must all be
heavily armed, the law-abiding civilians helpless and the government on
the verge of a massiveconfiscation campaign. (The laws have been in place
since the '70s, butI'm sure the government will get around to the confiscation
eventually.)
They don't even have a death penalty! And yet .. nationally, overall
crime in Canada has been declining since 1991. Violent crimes fell 13
percent in 2002. Of course, there are still crimes committed with guns
-- brought in from the United States, which has become the major illegal
weapons supplier for all of North America -- but my theory is that the
surge in pot-smoking has rendered most criminals too relaxed to commit
violent crimes. They're probably more focused on shoplifting boxes of
Ho-Hos from convenience stores.
And then there's the most reckless move of all: Just last month, Canada
decided to allow and recognize same-sex marriages. Merciful moose, what
can they be thinking? Will there be married Mounties (they always get
their man!)? Dudley Do-Right was sweet on Nell, not Mel! We must be the
only ones who really care about families. Not enough to make sure they
all have health insurance, of course, but more than those libertines up
north.
This sort of behavior is a clear and present danger to all our
stereotypes about Canada. It's supposed to be a cold, wholesome country
of polite, beer-drinking hockey players, not founded by freedom-fighters
in a bloody revolution but quietly assembled by loyalists and royalists
more interested in order and good government than liberty and
independence. But if we are the rugged individualists, why do we spend
so much of our time trying to get everyone to march in lockstep? And if
Canadians are so reserved and moderate, why are they so progressive
about letting people do what they want to?
Canadians are, as a nation, less religious than we are, according to
polls. As a result, Canada's government isn't influenced by large,
well-organized religious groups and thus has more in common with those
of Scandinavia than those of the United States, or, say, Iran. Canada
signed the Kyoto global warming treaty, lets 19-year-olds drink, has
more of its population living in urban areas and accepts more immigrants
per capita than the United States. These are all things we've been told
will wreck our society. But I guess Canadians are different, because
theirs seems oddly sound. Like teenagers, we fiercely idolize individual
freedom but really demand that everyone be the same. But the Canadians
seem more adult -- more secure. They aren't afraid of foreigners. They
aren't afraid of homosexuality. Most of all, they're not afraid of each
other.
I wonder if America will ever be that cool.
Source: Pittsburgh Post-Gazette (PA)
Author: Samantha Bennett
Published: Wednesday, July 30, 2003
Copyright: 2003 PG Publishing
Contact: [email protected]
Website: http://www.post-gazette.com/
You live next door to a clean-cut, quiet guy. He never plays loud music
or throws raucous parties. He doesn't gossip over the fence, just smiles
politely and offers you some tomatoes. His lawn is cared-for, his house
is neat as a pin and you get the feeling he doesn't always lock his
front door. He wears Dockers. You hardly know he's there. And then one
day you discoverthat he has pot in his basement, spends his weekends
at peace marchesand that guy you've seen mowing the yard is his spouse.
Allow me tointroduce Canada. The Canadians are so quiet that you may
have forgottenthey're up there, but they've been busy doing some surprising
things.
It's like discovering that the mice you are dimly aware of in your attic
have been building an espresso machine. Did you realize, for example,
that our reliable little tag-along brother never joined the Coalition of
the Willing? Canada wasn't willing, as it turns out, to join the fun in
Iraq. I can only assume American diner menus weren't angrily changed to
include "freedom bacon," because nobody here eats the stuff anyway. And
then there's the wild drug situation: Canadian doctors are authorized to
dispense medical marijuana. Parliament is considering legislation that
would not exactly legalize marijuana possession, as you may have heard,
but would reduce the penalty for possession of less than 15 grams to a
fine, like a speeding ticket. This is to allow law enforcement to
concentrate resources on traffickers; if your garden is full of wasps,
it's smarter to go for the nest rather than trying to swat every
individual bug. Or, in the United States, bong.
Now, here's the part that I, as an American, can't understand. These
poor benighted pinkos are doing everything wrong. They have a drug
problem Marijuana offenses have doubled since 1991. And Canada has
strict gun control laws, which means that the criminals must all be
heavily armed, the law-abiding civilians helpless and the government on
the verge of a massiveconfiscation campaign. (The laws have been in place
since the '70s, butI'm sure the government will get around to the confiscation
eventually.)
They don't even have a death penalty! And yet .. nationally, overall
crime in Canada has been declining since 1991. Violent crimes fell 13
percent in 2002. Of course, there are still crimes committed with guns
-- brought in from the United States, which has become the major illegal
weapons supplier for all of North America -- but my theory is that the
surge in pot-smoking has rendered most criminals too relaxed to commit
violent crimes. They're probably more focused on shoplifting boxes of
Ho-Hos from convenience stores.
And then there's the most reckless move of all: Just last month, Canada
decided to allow and recognize same-sex marriages. Merciful moose, what
can they be thinking? Will there be married Mounties (they always get
their man!)? Dudley Do-Right was sweet on Nell, not Mel! We must be the
only ones who really care about families. Not enough to make sure they
all have health insurance, of course, but more than those libertines up
north.
This sort of behavior is a clear and present danger to all our
stereotypes about Canada. It's supposed to be a cold, wholesome country
of polite, beer-drinking hockey players, not founded by freedom-fighters
in a bloody revolution but quietly assembled by loyalists and royalists
more interested in order and good government than liberty and
independence. But if we are the rugged individualists, why do we spend
so much of our time trying to get everyone to march in lockstep? And if
Canadians are so reserved and moderate, why are they so progressive
about letting people do what they want to?
Canadians are, as a nation, less religious than we are, according to
polls. As a result, Canada's government isn't influenced by large,
well-organized religious groups and thus has more in common with those
of Scandinavia than those of the United States, or, say, Iran. Canada
signed the Kyoto global warming treaty, lets 19-year-olds drink, has
more of its population living in urban areas and accepts more immigrants
per capita than the United States. These are all things we've been told
will wreck our society. But I guess Canadians are different, because
theirs seems oddly sound. Like teenagers, we fiercely idolize individual
freedom but really demand that everyone be the same. But the Canadians
seem more adult -- more secure. They aren't afraid of foreigners. They
aren't afraid of homosexuality. Most of all, they're not afraid of each
other.
I wonder if America will ever be that cool.
Source: Pittsburgh Post-Gazette (PA)
Author: Samantha Bennett
Published: Wednesday, July 30, 2003
Copyright: 2003 PG Publishing
Contact: [email protected]
Website: http://www.post-gazette.com/
