In a perfect world

Gonz

Gonz

molṑn labé
Staff member
:headbang:

Taking Care of the Guantanamo Detainees

A person wrote a letter to the White House complaining about the treatment of a captive taken during the Afghanistan war. Attached is a copy of a letter they received back:

The White House
1600 Pennsylvania Avenue Washington, D.C. 20016
Dear Concerned Citizen:

Thank you for your recent letter roundly criticizing our treatment of the Taliban and Al Qaeda detainees currently being held at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba.

My administration takes these matters seriously, and your opinion was heard loud and clear here in Washington.

You'll be pleased to learn that, thanks to the concerns of citizens like you, we are creating a new division of the Terrorist Retraining Program, to be called the "Liberals Accept Responsibility for Killers" program, or LARK for short. In accordance with the guidelines of this new program, we have decided to place one terrorist under your personal care.

Your personal detainee has been selected and scheduled for transportation under heavily armed guard to your residence next Monday.

Ali Mohammed Ahmed bin Mahmud (you can just call him Ahmed) is to be cared for pursuant to the standards you personally demanded in your letter of admonishment. It will likely be necessary for you to hire some assistant caretakers. We will conduct weekly inspections to ensure that your standards of care for Ahmed are commensurate with those you so strongly recommended in your letter.

Ahmed's meal requirements are simple, but we strongly suggest serving meals that do not require utensils, particularly knives and forks. Also, these should be "one-handed" foods; Ahmed will not eat with his left hand since he uses that for personal matters.

He generally bathes quarterly with the change of seasons, assuming that it rains, and he washes his clothes simultaneously. This should help with your water bill. Also, your new friend has a really bad case of body lice that hasn't been completely remedied. Please heed the large orange notice attached to your detainee's cage: "Does not play well with others."

Although Ahmed is sociopathic and extremely violent, we hope that your sensitivity to what you described as his "attitudinal problem" will help him overcome these character flaws.

Perhaps you are correct in describing these problems as mere cultural differences. He will bite you, given the chance, but his rabies test came back negative, so not to worry. We understand that you plan to offer counseling and home schooling. Your adopted terrorist is extremely proficient in hand-to-hand combat and can extinguish human life with such simple items as a pencil or nail clippers. We do not suggest that you ask him to demonstrate these skills at your next yoga group. He is also expert at making a wide variety of explosive devices from common household products, so you may wish to keep those items locked up, unless (in your opinion) this might offend him.

Ahmed will not wish to interact with your wife or daughters (except sexually) since he views females as a subhuman form of property. However, he will be eager to assist with the education of your sons; have available for their use several copies of the Q'uran.

Thanks again for your letter. We truly appreciate it when folks like you, who know so much, keep us informed of the proper way to do our job. We think this watching over each other's shoulder is such a good way for people to interact that we will be sending a team of federal officials with expertise in your line of work to your place of business soon, just to help you do your job better. Don't be concerned that they have the power to close your business, seize your property, and arrest you for any violation of the 4,850,206 laws, codes, regulations and rules that apply to your profession. They're really there just to make sure you're doing everything the proper way. That is what you wanted, right?

Well, thank you for this opportunity to interact with such a valued member of the citizenry. You take good care of Ahmed - and remember...we'll be watching.

Cordially...Your Buddy, Don Rumsfeld
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hehe. sad but it would be nice to do this just once to see what would happen. maybe then some of the mighty one would have a change of heart.
 
I still don't understand why it is that you feel it is right to detain citizens of countries you are not "at war" with without any form of trial whatsoever.

I can fully understand your need to think of them as sub-human as you so eloquently describe but what do you actually know about these people? Have you ever actually met an Islamic arab? Id guess not reading this.
Ahmed's meal requirements are simple, but we strongly suggest serving meals that do not require utensils, particularly knives and forks. Also, these should be "one-handed" foods; Ahmed will not eat with his left hand since he uses that for personal matters.

He generally bathes quarterly with the change of seasons, assuming that it rains, and he washes his clothes simultaneously. This should help with your water bill. Also, your new friend has a really bad case of body lice that hasn't been completely remedied.
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Is this your description of a terrorist? If so I'd like to know why the hell we sp[end so much money on trying to identify them, shouldn't it be easy? If this isn't a desrciption of a terrorist it is simply racism.
 
How about we just send them back? They aren't charged with anything, so ya might as well release them...repatriate them...what's the alternative?
Hold them forever?
Keep feeding them and clothing them on the tax-payers' tabs?
Bury them when they die, but don't bother notifying the families...they don't know where their fathers/brothers/uncles are anyways, why bother trying to notify the families.
Hell, why bother with a funeral at all...they're not christian. Toss them in a dung-heap and let the carrion birds have at them.

They're not human, right? They're just Afghanis.
 
They need to be released or prosecuted, not held there for another 2 years. Btw Gonz, could you please return our citizen which your country happens to be holding as a POW without any ongoing war in which he was/is involved war or charges filed against him?
Thanks, i knew you'd understand.
 
Gonz said:
Oh hush GNL, you got yours back
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That's the thing.......sure blair has kissed bush's backside (and vice versa) for the last coupla years........but why stop with the uk? why not send all the detainees back to their country of origin? :shrug:
 
They are being released. Quite often. There's no excitement in broadcasting news like that.
 
Gonz said:
They are being released. Quite often. There's no excitement in broadcasting news like that.
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If they don't broadcast such news, then how do you know that for a fact.
 
Gonz said:
Oh hush GNL, you got yours back
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i thought it was five of the nine uk citizens. the suggestion is that when they get home they will not be held or tried in any way, or even declared a risk.
 
Gonz said:
Oh hush GNL, you got yours back
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Oh come on Gonz, that is beneath even you. I am supposed to join you in racist bigotry simply because the US has finally agreed to release 5 out of 9 UK citizens that it has been holding without any form of trial?
 
I'm now a racist as well as a homophobe?


WOOHOO!!!!!


Wait, tell me, what's racist about holding British citizens?
 
Gonz said:
I'm now a racist as well as a homophobe?


WOOHOO!!!!!


Wait, tell me, what's racist about holding British citizens?
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That's not racist, that is simply unethical and illegal (am I still allowed to use that word?). It was your first post that I consider racist as I mentioned earlier.
 
Oh yea, stereotypical jokes are racist. I forgot. OK, but I have to warn you I find stereotype jokes funny. There is always an element of truth to stereotypes, which is why I often wonder why they're off limits?
 
Gonz said:
Oh yea, stereotypical jokes are racist. I forgot. OK, but I have to warn you I find stereotype jokes funny. There is always an element of truth to stereotypes, which is why I often wonder why they're off limits?
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Gonz said:
He generally bathes quarterly with the change of seasons, assuming that it rains, and he washes his clothes simultaneously. This should help with your water bill. Also, your new friend has a really bad case of body lice that hasn't been completely remedied.
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Just how is that a joke? How is it stereotypical? Perhaps this is your comment on how well the illegal prisoners are being looked after? If so then I apologise, I thought you were trying to make the point that these people were sub-human and therefore didn't deserve the same freedoms you claim are your right...
 
Gonz said:
... There is always an element of truth to stereotypes...
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:banana:

Suicide Bomber Mentality:
Why the Arab terrorists are so quick to commit suicide?
Let's see now:
* No premarital sex.
* No booze.
* No bars.
* No television.
* No Internet.
* No organized sports, stadiums, tailgate parties. Actually, no tailgates.
* No Hooters.
* No meat from a pig.
* Sand everywhere and not a dune buggy in sight. Ever try to fish at an oasis?
* Rags for clothes and hats.
* Eating only with your right hand cause you wipe your butt only with your left. Like life isn't complicated enough already.
* Constant wailing from the guy next door because he is sick and no doctors.
* No music.
* No radio.
* You can't shave.
* You can't shower.
* Bar-B-Q donkey cooked over burning camel dung.
* The women have to wear baggy dresses and veils at all times.
* Your bride is picked by someone else.
* Oh, but when you blow yourself up you'll be able to make Love to 73 Virgins! Who wouldn't go for it?
 
The Other One said:
* No organized sports, stadiums, tailgate parties. Actually, no tailgates.
* No Hooters.
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y'know, I could almost live with the rest of that list just to have these two in place... :D
 
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