Lovelife bollix... resolution

[ClarabellaUK]

Its over...

He used the term break up to describe it. "I think its best that we break up... I need to be single right now to sort my head out"

I should be relieved...

I am...

But still mostly feel like he's reached into my chest, ripped out my heart with a rusty spoon then stamped on it... then burnt it!

I still don't know why... So I'm still blaming myself... pouring over each conversation, eveything we did together... what did I do that was so wrong?

I don't think I'll ever know... the "its not you... its me" chestnut was used. Am I the only person who thinks if you can't give a definitive reason why then its just bullshit?...

For me when dumping I can list my reasons... I've been known to get to... "and ninethly" I can list my reasons because I always think long and hard before I essentially "emotionally murder" someone!

I feel like absolute shit.

I have nothing... one bad thing after the next... the past decade a rollercoaster of upset drama and mistreatment... I thought I'd turned the corner. Finally got something... someone... good in my life.

Something to think positively about... think ahead for... care about!

I have nothing.

 

[MrBishop]

You're young. Time heals all wounds and while you're waiting for this one to heal up - take the night off with a few GF's, get sauced and ridicule the guy - "He didn't have the balls to cut it short early - Hell, he didn't have a penis either, but that's another story"

Etc..

 

[BeardofPants]

You don't need a man to complete you. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and move on.

 

[Professur]

Why do people need to 'understand' a break up. He wanted some thing else. Period. End of conversation.You wanted him, he didn't want you any more. What is there to understand. If you want to pet a strange dog and it growls at you, do you stay up at night trying to understand why? Do you worry when a bird won't come sit in your palm?

 

[tonksy]

Why do people need to 'understand' a break up. He wanted some thing else. Period. End of conversation.You wanted him, he didn't want you any more. What is there to understand. If you want to pet a strange dog and it growls at you, do you stay up at night trying to understand why? Do you worry when a bird won't come sit in your palm?

I agree (Which scares the bejesus out of me BTW). The why doesn't matter, it's the is that counts. Move on.

 

[Inkara1]

You know... it's fully possible that you didn't do something wrong, and instead, it just wasn't meant to be forever. Not all breakups happen after one person does something wrong.

 

[ClarabellaUK]

I just don't know... I don't do the whole drunken bitch hate thing...

And perhaps this says a lot about me... but if the bird used to come and sit on my hand and let me stroke it... then one day.. nothing! I'd wonder why... and assume I'd done summit wrong!

 

[tonksy]

But sometimes the answer to why people break up with you is simply because they don't want to be with you anymore. It does not have to be quantifiable.

 

[Gonz]

The entire point of dating is to thin out the maybes into no, hell no & finally.

 

[Nixy]

Agree with Tonks and Prof

 

[ClarabellaUK]

But sometimes the answer to why people break up with you is simply because they don't want to be with you anymore. It does not have to be quantifiable.

But Why Tonks... Why?

It should always be quantifiable... there IS always a reason... my ass was perhaps too big.. he thought things were moving too fast... he hated the way I laughed... something... anything!!!!!

"Its me not you" is incredibly guttless IMO. If you can't tell a person a why or because... then why break up? Thats how I work!

 

[Nixy]

Maybe he just wasn't happy. He doesn't have to know WHY. Haven't you ever felt something and didn't know why? Be it anger, sadness, hate, anything...sometimes human beings just have feelings and don't necessarily know why. You two didn't mesh, don't change yourself just keep looking for the one that you DO mesh well with and then you'll live happily ever after.

 

[ClarabellaUK]

The entire point of dating is to thin out the maybes into no, hell no & finally.

Yeh... but that's great when you're the one doing the "thinning out"

I'm getting too old for the dating crap... I just wants to bag me a guy... I'm sick of waxing, plucking, dieting, wearing uncomfortable bras and killer heels!

Alls I be wanting is a best friend with occassional benefits... who loves and respects me for me... not how I look or act! And no longer expects shaven legs or trimmed and kept area... and allows me to use the loo whilst he's in the bath/shower... a someone of my own who I can kick out the bed for snoring...

Yup... I wanna be married!

 

[tonksy]

Maybe he just wasn't happy. He doesn't have to know WHY. Haven't you ever felt something and didn't know why? Be it anger, sadness, hate, anything...sometimes human beings just have feelings and don't necessarily know why. You two didn't mesh, don't change yourself just keep looking for the one that you DO mesh well with and then you'll live happily ever after.

Exactly. His chromosones/soul/aura/whatever wasn't jiving with yours. Pleading why why why is going to change anything. In fact it probably made it worse.

 

[BeardofPants]

But Why Tonks... Why?

It should always be quantifiable... there IS always a reason... my ass was perhaps too big.. he thought things were moving too fast... he hated the way I laughed... something... anything!!!!!

"Its me not you" is incredibly guttless IMO. If you can't tell a person a why or because... then why break up? Thats how I work!

He wasn't attracted to you. There's your reason. Something you can't control. Something you can't change. So move on.

 

[ClarabellaUK]

Exactly. His chromosones/soul/aura/whatever wasn't jiving with yours. Pleading why why why is going to change anything. In fact it probably made it worse.

It was really really really jiving at one time... Yeh... but I haven't asked him why why why obviously... just whinged on here about it!

 

[Inkara1]

I just wants to bag me a guy... I'm sick of waxing, plucking, dieting, wearing uncomfortable bras and killer heels!

Any guy who sees this will run for the hills. Guys tend to get annoyed when the woman becomes a different person as soon as the wedding is finalized, and if they have a warning sign they'll likely seize on it.

 

[Nixy]

Yeh... but that's great when you're the one doing the "thinning out"

I'm getting too old for the dating crap... I just wants to bag me a guy... I'm sick of waxing, plucking, dieting, wearing uncomfortable bras and killer heels!

Alls I be wanting is a best friend with occassional benefits... who loves and respects me for me... not how I look or act! And no longer expects shaven legs or trimmed and kept area... and allows me to use the loo whilst he's in the bath/shower... a someone of my own who I can kick out the bed for snoring...

Yup... I wanna be married!

You WANT to be hairy, saggy (due to wearing bad bras) and not wear heels?

I feel better about MYSELF when I'm all smooth and sexied up. I get all hot just to feel better about MYSELF. No guy wants a girl who's going to let herself go. Do I shave EVERYDAY when in an established relationship? No necessarily...but you should still have enough respect for yourself to take care of yourself.

 

[tonksy]

Any guy who sees this will run for the hills. Guys tend to get annoyed when the woman becomes a different person as soon as the wedding is finalized, and if they have a warning sign they'll likely seize on it.

I've never understood the idea that you can let yourself go when you have a man. He (not to mention other people) will still look at you.

 

[Professur]

I'm a firm believer in showing your worst on the third date. By the second date, if your best hasn't already made the sale, nothing's going to. After the third, leave no questions. That doesn't mean the worst you can, just the worst you're willing to permit yourself.